Random Office Happenings

A few days ago, we had this contractor coming in the office to do a presentation on their findings on a just recently concluded exercise they did.
This particular group of contractors then brought along with them their Technical Consultant, a white mat salleh to help them out, I suppose.
So just before everyone gets settled down, and while waiting for the presentation to start, there's this really awkward silence (as you always do), where everyone just looks around, staring blankly into space. One of my colleagues, in an attempt to start some "small talk" - I think, suddenly broke the awkward silence. With his eyes staring directly into the foreigner's, he selamba-ly asked, "Are you Danish?".
The puzzled & embarassed look on the poor white man's face was priceless.

I thought that was kinda funny.

Random #2

I used to like Weezer.
Not anymore. Not after hearing that god-awful song Beverly Hills.
Too bad, 'cause I was really into them a long long time ago.

I still like Gilmore Girls though. I think.

Random #1

I used to like watching the TV show Gilmore Girls because:

1. It had an unbelievably witty, funny, sarcastic and amazingly hip script.
2. The chicks are hot and also good actors.
   
3. It name dropped Greg Ginn.

Well, it name dropped a lot actually; obscure bands, cool bands, Mojo, some weird writer, hip stuff like that.

Welcome back God.

Newsflash.

Robbie's back at Anfield. Will he wear 23? 9? Nope, it's 11.

It feels good. Oh so good.

Another girl, another planet

Lately I've been getting blank SMSes from a number that I don't recognise.
Psycho gila babi. I guess I'm just not into stalkers. Wanker.

So anyways, feel free to contact this asshole of a dude. But don't say I sent you.

019-9556894

When was the last time?

When was my last post?? A good fucking 2 weeks, that's when. How am I supposed to be a "dedicated blogger" if I can't post anything every 24 hours? Gosh, it's hard to live the hip and happening life, my friend.

Well, a lot had happened within those two (or maybe more) weeks; work in the middle of the sea, an uneventful raya haji, broken my glasses, being charged a fortune for a new pair, reunion dinner, pulled out one wisdom tooth, being charged a fortune for the tooth, hosted an office dinner, and so many other stuff I don't even recall anymore. Oh, but I do remember the one day where I dusted off my CD collection and put on good 'ol Dashboard Confessionals in the CD player. That was so gay.

Question:
Is the new Strokes record any good?
This review is funny.
But no, seriously. Is it any good? Should I download it?

And are you excited? Are you?
Well, you better be 'cause this weekend its the mother fucker of all matches : Liverpool v Man Utd
Are you excited now? Are you as excited as the first time you saw naked boobies? Of course.

You can Kromkamp my ass.

Dear Polis/Utusan/Harian Metro/etc.:

I'll be killing a goat this week. Please don't come and raid my house. I promise you that this has nothing to do at all with any Black Metal, ajaran songsang, luar akidah, perangai Syaitan activities. It's for my Hari Raya korban.

Black Metal is bad. Bad I say!!

Yes people, Black Metal is officially the worst thing on Earth right now. It's true. I read it in Utusan. Apparently, Utusan brilliantly came up with this great explanation on why metal is evil. It's something like this:

METAL = SATAN = HELL = BAD

Notice the colour & font that I use. I think it stresses on how evil black metal really is. Red represents the fires of hell.
Wow... thanks Utusan. You must have excellent reporters who worked hard to come up with this SHOCKING!! news.

OK, moving on.
Happy New Year. I know it's kinda late, but what the hell.
Hope you keep your resolutions, well at least until the end of the month.

Bring on Everton

A totally dominating performance by Stevie G & Co. saw Liverpool ease past hapless Newcastle last night. Owen's reurn to Anfield didn't exactly turn out as planned.
And how much better is 'Arry Kewell getting? Quite a bit, I have to say. The cross for the second goal was perfect, although he did screw up about 10 attempts before finally getting it right. Keep it up, 'Arry!!
Next is Everton, and I'm pretty sure we'll get through that particular battle safely. Just don't let pussy Garcia play.

New Years coming up but sadly I'll be celebrating it in the middle of NOWHERE.

Merry Christmas!

I don't usually watch Malay movies at the cinemas, for obvious reasons (i.e they're crap and cheesy) but I did manage to haul myself to TGV over the weekend and watch a comedy entitled Baik Punya Cilok.
And surprisingly, it was an enjoyable experience.
Ok, initially I thought it was another stupid movie, or probably a movie that's trying to be too cool. The familiar-looking, Reservoir Dogs-style movie poster further added to my early scepticism. Ohh, another Tarantino rip-off, how lame.
But it turned out that it was nothing like RD.
It was hilarious and funny. Funny funny. Smart funny, I should say. It's not like a movie where someone runs around and gets in the head kind of funny. No, no.
There's Awie in the movie. And man, he is a funny dude, whether that's intentional or not I'm not too sure. This is the only movie that had Awie in it that I'm not ashamed to say "Good movie". Yeah, I didn't think I'd say that. But there you go. And hey, weirder things have happened. Seeing Awie without his (Harley) bike is rather strange though.
It's really a good movie, and I mean it. Do yourself a favour and watch it.

Orang tamak selalu rugi

Ahh.. it's the season to get married, it seems. Or get engaged, at the very least. Two of my friends are getting married (not to each other!) this weekend, and one's getting engaged the next. In fact, I've been to wedding ceremonies the most this year compared to any other.
So obviously love is in the air.
Which brings the question of whether or when will I get married?
Hear that?
Sounds like peer pressure.

Honestly, I don't know. I don't know a lot of things. Like, am I going to marry the current girl?
That's hard.

We're now 3rd.

After a hugely satisfying victory and an excellent display against poor Wigan, coupled with Arsenal pretty boys' unability to answer Bolton's spirited aggression, the Mighty Reds are now third. Back in the top three although the margin with Chelsea is embarassingly huge. Big gaps are not good. Tight ones are better. Always better.

The game itself was a night to remember for our lanky cat-looking (well, at least I think so) Peter Crouchie. First one was an own goal, but the second was quite good really. Nice lob over the keeper. And good control and great long ball prior to that.

Everyone had solid, if not great games. Warnock, initially I feared will cause some panic in our own defence but as the game wore on, he did quite OK. Gerrard & Alonso were controlling the midfield and dare I say it; Harry "what the fuck is going on with my pony tail" Kewell had a decent game as well. I particularly liked his outside of the right foot one touch pass to Morientes in the first half. Class.

All in all, great win. I must say, this is the first time since our Champions League victory that I felt this good after a match. I was practically grinning the whole night.

NMN

You can't really trust gadis bertudung nowadays, eh. They'll happily give you fellatio if you play your cards right. You could even record them on your mobile phone, if you're THAT good. It's true. No kidding. But I'm sure you've got at least one of them clips on your high tech phones already, so you know what I'm saying, right??

Hey, what's fellatio? Get a dick-tionary and you'll know.

Hey, there's a band named Machine Gun Fellatio. Check them out. They're kinda weird.

And......

How bad is the show SOCCASTARS MALAYSIA?
Very much. Awful. Horrific. Pathetic.

I watched one of the 6-minute "highlights" just now. The "soccastars" were asked to demonstrate their guitar playing ability and their skills (or lack of) were judged. Whoever got the highest score keeps the guitar.
Hey, wait a minute. What the FUCK is going on here? How does having excellent musical abilities make you a SOCCA STAR??? I don't recall Jimmy Page playing for Chelsea. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Answers on a postcard please. Please.

Good News, kinda.

It's not raining anymore. Which is good news. We can watch Astro again.

A few days back, Petronas signed a new deal to continue sponsoring the Formula One team previously known as Team Sauber Petronas but now called Team BMW-Sauber. That's a sweet deal, especially for the Petronas staff, since they'll get 50% off for the next 3 Series that they purchase!!! Fuck yeah! I'll get one of them M3s thanks.

The lads at home have a new craze lately. It's called Saidina.
Yes, dear readers, it's Saidina, our own local (and cheaper) version of Monopoly. It's where you buy Kuala Lumpur & Pulau Pinang (the 2 most expensive "tapak"s), spend a fortune to build up 4 houses, and no one ever lands on your property. Instead they land on the cheap ass hotels on Kangar & Batu Pahat. The game where you don't generate much income buying Sandakan or Teluk Anson, but you'll make a hell lot of money buying Shah Alam, even though they're located side by side. A game where people will still buy Tenaga Nasional & Jabatan Bekalan Air, even though both of them are pretty useless. A game where weird terms like "absahan" appears (on the Keputusan cards).

Saidina sessions usually start at around 8 and can end anywhere between 10 to 12. And that's on a workday. Weekend sessions are more hardcore, and can last until 2 to 3 am. Weird that this simple game is very addictive in its own way and dare I say it's far better than playing Winning Eleven on the Xbox. But that's probably because I'm so retarded playing Winning Eleven and always dibelasah every time.

And oh just so you know, the part about free BMWs is a lie. Please don't go bother your fiendly Petronas station worker and get them to buy you a car. They'll smack you in the head.

Good News for Good People

I'd like to congratulate ayie, one of the 5 people who actually read this blog; for successfully getting himself engaged. Not exactly sure when nor do I know anything more detailed than that, but well done (?) nonetheless.
You gots da hook on, need to reel it in, bradda. If ya know what I mean.

Pussy Problems No More.

I'm glad to say that the kittens are now alright. We put them in another shoe box and brought them to the petrol station (where we dumped their mother) last night.
And as soon as we put the shoe box down, we backed off a little to observe what'll happen.
The kittens started to meow, and suddenly out of nowhere, a large cat came rushing towards the source of the meows.
It was their mother.

Ahh, scenes like these just brings a tear to your eye, eh?
So no more pussy problems, this time for real. I'm glad we did this. My conscience would've killed me if we didn't.

P/S: I forgot to put AC/DC & Motorhead in my list below.

Pussy Problems

The day before yesterday, we had a bit of trouble at our house. Out of nowhere there was this black & white cat in our house. It was in the living room, kitchen, bedrooms, everywhere. I kicked him out and shut all doors, windows, even the slightest of openings. And we managed to keep him out for a while. But throughout the night we could still hear the meows and sounds of the cat scratching at the door.
This kept on happening the whole day yesterday. And it was bloody annoying. Imagine a cat meow-ing non stop the whole day, and would swiftly enter your house as soon as you open the door. I don't fancy cats, so to me this isn't cute at all
.
So last night I said to the lads,
Jom buang kucing ni. Bising je. Aku dah tak tahan dah ni.
Buang kat mana?
Buang je kat Petronas station tu.

And so we did. We put the cat in a shoe box, took it for a ride in the car and as soon as we reached the petrol station we dumped the poor thing near some bushes. And we fled the scene quickly, as you would when you throw cats away.

We were free of pussies!!!!
That night I slept well without the meows of a stray cat.

But as I woke up the following morning, I heard more meows. This time louder, even more annoying, and non-stop.
I had a look outside and saw three newborn kittens struggling to move around.

"Fuck! We threw away the mother!!!!"

And here's some pictures of them little buggers

I'm Hornby.

Once again, I’m heavily inspired by High Fidelity, possibly the best book I’ve ever read, for this post. I thought that it would be interesting to list down all the bands, artistes, freaks, poseurs, etc. that I’ve been listening to all these years, in CHRONOLOGICAL order. Or at least close to chronological order, since I’m not sure if I can remember the exact sequence of ALL my musical adventures. It would still be cool to see how I went from Nirvana to The Clash to The Stooges to Jeff Buckley. Of course, there’ll be some downright embarrassing bands in the list as well but hey, cut me some slack, ok? I was young, dumb and easily influenced back then.

So here it goes.

* Green Day – Dookie
* Nirvana – all of them i.e Nevermind, In Utero, Unplugged
* Weezer – Blue album
* Bush – Razorblade Suitcase & Sixteen Stones
* Tonic
* Smashing Pumpkins
* Pearl Jam
* Silverchair
* Subculture
* Butterfingers
* Rage Against the Machine
* Powderfinger
* Smashing Pumpkins (again)
* Metallica
* Blink 182
* New Found Glory
* Simple Plan
* Sum 41
* Unwritten Law
* Vandals
* Jimmy Eat World
* Dashboard Confessional
* Get Up Kids
* Coldplay
* Travis
* Sarah McLachlan
* The Shins
* Pedro the Lion ( I think that’s the name)
* Far
* Finch
* AFI
* Dropkick Murphys
* Misfits
* Ramones
* Danzig
* Sex Pistols
* Snoop Dogg
* CKY
* Fugazi
* White Stripes
* Placebo
* The Smiths
* The Cure
* Pixies
* Alkaline Trio
* Built to Spill
* The Stooges
* Johnny Thunders
* Cave In
* Burning Brides
* Iron Maiden
* Led Zeppelin
* Rush
* The Clash
* Black Flag
* Bad Brains
* Placebo (again)
* Slint
* Ween
* The Good Life
* Broken Social Scene
* Neutral Milk Hotel
* Galaxie 500
* Explosions in the Sky
* Interpol
* Joy Division
* Bright Eyes
* Seven Collar T-Shirt
* Jeff Buckley
* Elliott Smith
* Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
* Pavement
* Replacements
* Weezer (again)
* Missy Higgins
* White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan

Yeah, so that’s about it. More or less. And according to this list, the last album that I listened to was White Stripes’ Get Behind Me Satan. That’s quite old. I don’t listen to any new stuff anymore. There are too many new bands to discover & I don’t have the time to listen to all of them and get disappointed (or pleasantly surprised?).

Go home and eat your cheese, Riise.

Nothing against Riise. It's just that he looks like someone who loves to eat cheese. That's why he's so strong and healthy and fast and can only kick a ball with his left foot. And with the reports of a possible takeover by Kraft, I think Riise would be totally wetting his pants already now, in joy of course. Pretty exciting times ahead eh, John? Yes, I know professional football players on a first name basis. Are you impressed?

Please say YES. That'll boost my ego. Thanks.

Oh now I know why I picked on Riise!! It bloody rhymes, ma. Well, it rhymes if you read it wrongly. Cheese and Riise. Riis. Cheese, Riis.

Now you must be wondering; "What the bloody hell has this guy been smoking lately?", right?

Answer : Nothing. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't party. I'm fucking hardcore straight edge, buddy!! Remember straight edge? With X marks on both hands, I rock to Fugazi (is that sXe?), while I enjoy my freshly grown organic salad for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I eat leaves! How hardcore's that?

I'm really full of ideas right now, but I won't type anymore today. I've typed long enough. Now it's time for you good readers to holla back, yo!! I ain't sayin' she a gold digga. Fuck man, that song's stuck in my head.

Raya ketiga

It's the third day of raya and I'm already back at home in KL. It was a pretty short raya this year. Usually I'll only be back on the 5th or sometimes a whole week after raya but this year the extended celebrations have apparently been cut short. Which is puzzling since I took leave for rest of the week. Ah, whatever. I'm confused.

Anyways, raya was actually kinda fun. Probably the best time of the year to meet up with family members. Everyone's in a (relatively) happy joyful mood, except for the little brother & the 2 cousins who have to study for their exams. Also, having 5 small children running around the house all day long is enough to make it riuh rendah. And those little buggers are quite smart too. Somehow they managed to get me to fork out more than 100 bucks to buy them KFC on malam hari raya. And another 100 the next night to treat them Pizza Hut. Bloody hell. These guys are good.

Conclusion : Cute children melt your heart. Damn you, kids.