Ba Ba Ba

I am hopelessly in love with the following girls, for various and different reasons.

Julia Stiles
Claire Danes
Keira Knightley

See a trend?
I don't know.



It's becoming increasingly annoying when every time uncles. aunts, grandparents, granduncles, grandaunts - relatives.. come and visit, they will inevitably turn to me and ask the dreaded question : Bila nak kahwin?

And even more irritating is that my mum's eyes would immediately light up upon hearing this, and she'd wait intently for my reply - seizing the opportunity, letting the distant relatives do the dirty work of asking the awkward question.
My standard answer would be : Ntah. I don't know. Tak tau la. And honestly, that IS the truth.

But lately, the relatives have become more persistent and hard to please. I've been bombarded with the same question over and over again - my standard, non-committal answer is no longer deemed good enough for them. And their flawed logic is probably something like this : Ask the same question over and over and over long enough - you'll get the right answer.

Obviously, I've grown tired of all this. So I decided to be a bit creative in replying them. Now, every time someone asks me "Bila nak kahwin?", my answer would be one of the following:

1. Why? You want to pay for it ke?
2. Esok.
3. Lepas Rancangan Malaysia ke-9.
4. Is that a trick question?

5. When Schumacher makes a comeback.
6. That's a good question. Can I get back to you later?
7. Ask my mother.

I usually get confused looks from them upon hearing my reply. I'm not being kurang ajar or anything, it's just a little bit of fun - messing with people's head. It's probably not THAT funny pun and maybe syok sendiri je.


Swing when you're winning!

Scene - Posh hotel corridor.

MS : Excuse me, Mr Craigg Belami - where do you think you're going with that golf club, mate?

CB : Erm hmm... nowhere. Thought I'd go to the driving range for a while. Cheers mate. Later. (Begins to walk away)

MS : Driving range? At 2 AM? Are you sure you're not going to beat up a certain Johnny Reese with that club?

CB : Oi, if I wanted to bash someone up I'd brought my big arse driver, not this tiny putter, wanker! And no, I'm not going to smack the hell out of Reese. At least not tonight. (Grinning) Who the fuck are you by the way?

MS : I am the infamous Mat Skodeng, Skoding - if you read the Star! And I'm here to skodeng your ass, bro! In fact, I've been skodeng-ing your ass for a while, Belami. I saw you getting pissed at the karaoke bar just now.

CB : Pissed as in drunk? Hell yeah I was. Probably still am.

MS : No, fool. Pissed as in getting unbelievably psycho at Johnny boy. All that just because he didn't want to play along with your American Idol karaoke sing-song bullshit.

CB : Fuck that man. He totally spoiled the whole session. I'm gonna get back at him for this.

MS : Hence the clubs?

CB : No, as I said - driving range. Aren't you supposed to have a sound religious character to be a Mat Skodeng?

MS : Of course

CB : Then why were you at the bar, mate?

MS : I don't need to answer that. Fuck you.

CB : You don't get paid to do this, do you?

MS : Not really.

CB : Dude, you're a loser.

MS : Yeah, I suppose.

CB : But, hey... really, why do you even care if I beat up Reese?

MS : I don't know. I am a Moral Police. I need to curb all these immoral activities.

CB : Mind your own business. That's my advice. And go away before I smack YOU in the head. Go back to Terengganu, or wherever that is you're from!

MS : (Retreating, and starting to walk away) Belami, you may win the battle this time, but I'll be back - with my fellow Mat Skodings and I'll bring my whole golf set next time.



I like rain. And I'm not talking about some Korean bloke who prances around in military style camo gear, although I've been told that he does have some nifty dance moves. Hah.

I like rain, real rain - water dropping from the sky, kind of rain.
Especially on a lazy, non-working Monday morning, while I sit reading on my bed, leaning against the wall, semi-covered under my quilt, with a mug of hot coffee on the bedside table. Nothing on the stereo, just the sound of water trickling onto the roof and the occasional fresh breeze through my partially open window.
Absolute bliss.

I like rain.

Salmon - Without the L

A good love story/movie MUST have some sort of tragedy, because without it, it will be... NOTHING.
I mean, if we had two people fall in love with each other and they lived happily ever after and it ends there, that wouldn't be much of a tale, would it?
It needs some conflict and the occasional heart breaker - a disapproving family, difference in social class, war, missed chances, wrong place at the wrong time - to make it a great love story.


Funny - but I don't know why

I attended a safety / health briefing recently. This particular session focused on choking, and how to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre. Standing in front was our Medic, enthusiastically explaining the details of how to save a choke victim to a crowd made of a mix of the young & old; with varying degrees of working (and life) experience between them. And invariably, there'll always be a few cheeky geezers among the 30-odd crowd.

After the Medic had explained in theory how to perform the Heimlich, he then demonstrated the proper methods on a volunteer picked from the audience.

Medic : Approach the choke victim from behind, and quickly wrap your arms around his belly. Interlock your fingers, and start pulling upwards. Make sure you tarik kuat-kuat, so that whatever's choking the person would be dislodged. Sounds simple, but you kena ensure that tarik tu mesti mau kuat. Mungkin kena try 2-3 kali baru kita dapat keluarkan benda dari tekak dia.

Cheeky Geezer (50++ years old) : Kalau victim tu perempuan? (Grinning)

Medic : (Realising that cheeky geezer is taking the piss) Kalau perempuan, sama saja. Tapi kena jaga-jaga sikit la kot, especially masa nak tarik tu. Of course, there might be some "accidental" brushing against the chest, tapi nak buat macam mana kan? Haha. Nak selamatkan orang, terpaksa la..

At this point, everyone starts to laugh.

Medic : Any more questions?

Cheeky Geezer (in a serious tone) : Kalau Benggali macam mana pulak?

Medic : (BLANK)

I found the whole scene utterly hilarious. I was laughing out loud.
Maybe its the word Benggali or maybe its the absurdity of the question, I don't really know what made it funny.