You can't really trust gadis bertudung nowadays, eh. They'll happily give you fellatio if you play your cards right. You could even record them on your mobile phone, if you're THAT good. It's true. No kidding. But I'm sure you've got at least one of them clips on your high tech phones already, so you know what I'm saying, right??

Hey, what's fellatio? Get a dick-tionary and you'll know.

Hey, there's a band named Machine Gun Fellatio. Check them out. They're kinda weird.


How bad is the show SOCCASTARS MALAYSIA?
Very much. Awful. Horrific. Pathetic.

I watched one of the 6-minute "highlights" just now. The "soccastars" were asked to demonstrate their guitar playing ability and their skills (or lack of) were judged. Whoever got the highest score keeps the guitar.
Hey, wait a minute. What the FUCK is going on here? How does having excellent musical abilities make you a SOCCA STAR??? I don't recall Jimmy Page playing for Chelsea. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Answers on a postcard please. Please.


Good News, kinda.

It's not raining anymore. Which is good news. We can watch Astro again.

A few days back, Petronas signed a new deal to continue sponsoring the Formula One team previously known as Team Sauber Petronas but now called Team BMW-Sauber. That's a sweet deal, especially for the Petronas staff, since they'll get 50% off for the next 3 Series that they purchase!!! Fuck yeah! I'll get one of them M3s thanks.

The lads at home have a new craze lately. It's called Saidina.
Yes, dear readers, it's Saidina, our own local (and cheaper) version of Monopoly. It's where you buy Kuala Lumpur & Pulau Pinang (the 2 most expensive "tapak"s), spend a fortune to build up 4 houses, and no one ever lands on your property. Instead they land on the cheap ass hotels on Kangar & Batu Pahat. The game where you don't generate much income buying Sandakan or Teluk Anson, but you'll make a hell lot of money buying Shah Alam, even though they're located side by side. A game where people will still buy Tenaga Nasional & Jabatan Bekalan Air, even though both of them are pretty useless. A game where weird terms like "absahan" appears (on the Keputusan cards).

Saidina sessions usually start at around 8 and can end anywhere between 10 to 12. And that's on a workday. Weekend sessions are more hardcore, and can last until 2 to 3 am. Weird that this simple game is very addictive in its own way and dare I say it's far better than playing Winning Eleven on the Xbox. But that's probably because I'm so retarded playing Winning Eleven and always dibelasah every time.

And oh just so you know, the part about free BMWs is a lie. Please don't go bother your fiendly Petronas station worker and get them to buy you a car. They'll smack you in the head.


Good News for Good People

I'd like to congratulate ayie, one of the 5 people who actually read this blog; for successfully getting himself engaged. Not exactly sure when nor do I know anything more detailed than that, but well done (?) nonetheless.
You gots da hook on, need to reel it in, bradda. If ya know what I mean.


Pussy Problems No More.

I'm glad to say that the kittens are now alright. We put them in another shoe box and brought them to the petrol station (where we dumped their mother) last night.
And as soon as we put the shoe box down, we backed off a little to observe what'll happen.
The kittens started to meow, and suddenly out of nowhere, a large cat came rushing towards the source of the meows.
It was their mother.

Ahh, scenes like these just brings a tear to your eye, eh?
So no more pussy problems, this time for real. I'm glad we did this. My conscience would've killed me if we didn't.

P/S: I forgot to put AC/DC & Motorhead in my list below.


Pussy Problems

The day before yesterday, we had a bit of trouble at our house. Out of nowhere there was this black & white cat in our house. It was in the living room, kitchen, bedrooms, everywhere. I kicked him out and shut all doors, windows, even the slightest of openings. And we managed to keep him out for a while. But throughout the night we could still hear the meows and sounds of the cat scratching at the door.
This kept on happening the whole day yesterday. And it was bloody annoying. Imagine a cat meow-ing non stop the whole day, and would swiftly enter your house as soon as you open the door. I don't fancy cats, so to me this isn't cute at all
So last night I said to the lads,
Jom buang kucing ni. Bising je. Aku dah tak tahan dah ni.
Buang kat mana?
Buang je kat Petronas station tu.

And so we did. We put the cat in a shoe box, took it for a ride in the car and as soon as we reached the petrol station we dumped the poor thing near some bushes. And we fled the scene quickly, as you would when you throw cats away.

We were free of pussies!!!!
That night I slept well without the meows of a stray cat.

But as I woke up the following morning, I heard more meows. This time louder, even more annoying, and non-stop.
I had a look outside and saw three newborn kittens struggling to move around.

"Fuck! We threw away the mother!!!!"

And here's some pictures of them little buggers


I'm Hornby.

Once again, I’m heavily inspired by High Fidelity, possibly the best book I’ve ever read, for this post. I thought that it would be interesting to list down all the bands, artistes, freaks, poseurs, etc. that I’ve been listening to all these years, in CHRONOLOGICAL order. Or at least close to chronological order, since I’m not sure if I can remember the exact sequence of ALL my musical adventures. It would still be cool to see how I went from Nirvana to The Clash to The Stooges to Jeff Buckley. Of course, there’ll be some downright embarrassing bands in the list as well but hey, cut me some slack, ok? I was young, dumb and easily influenced back then.

So here it goes.

* Green Day – Dookie
* Nirvana – all of them i.e Nevermind, In Utero, Unplugged
* Weezer – Blue album
* Bush – Razorblade Suitcase & Sixteen Stones
* Tonic
* Smashing Pumpkins
* Pearl Jam
* Silverchair
* Subculture
* Butterfingers
* Rage Against the Machine
* Powderfinger
* Smashing Pumpkins (again)
* Metallica
* Blink 182
* New Found Glory
* Simple Plan
* Sum 41
* Unwritten Law
* Vandals
* Jimmy Eat World
* Dashboard Confessional
* Get Up Kids
* Coldplay
* Travis
* Sarah McLachlan
* The Shins
* Pedro the Lion ( I think that’s the name)
* Far
* Finch
* Dropkick Murphys
* Misfits
* Ramones
* Danzig
* Sex Pistols
* Snoop Dogg
* Fugazi
* White Stripes
* Placebo
* The Smiths
* The Cure
* Pixies
* Alkaline Trio
* Built to Spill
* The Stooges
* Johnny Thunders
* Cave In
* Burning Brides
* Iron Maiden
* Led Zeppelin
* Rush
* The Clash
* Black Flag
* Bad Brains
* Placebo (again)
* Slint
* Ween
* The Good Life
* Broken Social Scene
* Neutral Milk Hotel
* Galaxie 500
* Explosions in the Sky
* Interpol
* Joy Division
* Bright Eyes
* Seven Collar T-Shirt
* Jeff Buckley
* Elliott Smith
* Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
* Pavement
* Replacements
* Weezer (again)
* Missy Higgins
* White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan

Yeah, so that’s about it. More or less. And according to this list, the last album that I listened to was White Stripes’ Get Behind Me Satan. That’s quite old. I don’t listen to any new stuff anymore. There are too many new bands to discover & I don’t have the time to listen to all of them and get disappointed (or pleasantly surprised?).


Go home and eat your cheese, Riise.

Nothing against Riise. It's just that he looks like someone who loves to eat cheese. That's why he's so strong and healthy and fast and can only kick a ball with his left foot. And with the reports of a possible takeover by Kraft, I think Riise would be totally wetting his pants already now, in joy of course. Pretty exciting times ahead eh, John? Yes, I know professional football players on a first name basis. Are you impressed?

Please say YES. That'll boost my ego. Thanks.

Oh now I know why I picked on Riise!! It bloody rhymes, ma. Well, it rhymes if you read it wrongly. Cheese and Riise. Riis. Cheese, Riis.

Now you must be wondering; "What the bloody hell has this guy been smoking lately?", right?

Answer : Nothing. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't party. I'm fucking hardcore straight edge, buddy!! Remember straight edge? With X marks on both hands, I rock to Fugazi (is that sXe?), while I enjoy my freshly grown organic salad for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I eat leaves! How hardcore's that?

I'm really full of ideas right now, but I won't type anymore today. I've typed long enough. Now it's time for you good readers to holla back, yo!! I ain't sayin' she a gold digga. Fuck man, that song's stuck in my head.


Raya ketiga

It's the third day of raya and I'm already back at home in KL. It was a pretty short raya this year. Usually I'll only be back on the 5th or sometimes a whole week after raya but this year the extended celebrations have apparently been cut short. Which is puzzling since I took leave for rest of the week. Ah, whatever. I'm confused.

Anyways, raya was actually kinda fun. Probably the best time of the year to meet up with family members. Everyone's in a (relatively) happy joyful mood, except for the little brother & the 2 cousins who have to study for their exams. Also, having 5 small children running around the house all day long is enough to make it riuh rendah. And those little buggers are quite smart too. Somehow they managed to get me to fork out more than 100 bucks to buy them KFC on malam hari raya. And another 100 the next night to treat them Pizza Hut. Bloody hell. These guys are good.

Conclusion : Cute children melt your heart. Damn you, kids.