Hit the Gym, yo!

Shabery Cheeks has been busy visiting gyms lately. Not a day passes by without the sight of a suited-up (track suited up, that is) Cheeks grinning idiotically while observing big ass dudes pump iron all day long.

As if that was not embarrassing enough, Cheeks felt that he should not be missing out on all the meathead fun and volunteered to do some chest presses, just to show that he is suitably fit for the title of Sports & Youth Minister bestowed upon him.

Well, that's fine except for the fact that Cheeks obviously has been skipping his weekly gym sessions and was struggling gravely to lift that damn bar. And I swear I saw some saliva trickling down the sides of his mouth. It was THAT heavy.

No, really. It was.

Earth Day

Earth Day (22 April) passed without a whiff of notice. There was virtually no publicity whatsoever to promote whis event, save for the one-page special in the NST. This is in stark contrast to the hype given to the absurdly self indulgent "save the environment" affair that is Earth Hour.

Where was the WWF on 22 April? Did they even organise a "Save Mother Nature" program, or at the very least, a gathering to commemorate Earth Day?

Where was 8TV? Did they show any public service ads? Where were the 2-minute long clips with our nation's hippest and most environmental concious-est celebs?

Were the hell was the dreadlocked hippie Reshmonu? Or 8TV CEO Ahmad Izham Omar?

Where the fuck was Reshmonu?

RESHMONU!!! Where are you?

This blatant display of hypocrisy just proves that our so-called "socially responsible" is nothing but a fraud. They'll exploit anything that would generate exposure to themselves and will conveniently drop their commitment when it no longer suits them. And that's why I have a cynical view of anything coming from 8TV, Air Asia and all the other bullshit companies pretending to be oh-so-angelic because I know that they're only doing it because they can make money out of it.

Now, where the hell is Reshmonu?

Champions League, First Leg

Liverpool's swashbuckling performances (plus the last minute winner at Fulham) of late was exactly the kind of run that warrants a home stuffing by Chelsea. I'm not being pessismistic but I think that's just about right. We'll be brought back down to Earth in frustrating fashion.

And I am proven right. At 4.38 AM on a Thursday. Early goal. Two headers conceded. Non-existant second half. Baik aku buat kuiz kat Facebook.

Even the 7-million pound goal scoring machine that is Andrea Dossena can't save this.

Malaysian GP 2009

The highlight of last weekend's GP for me was the sight of an all dried up Kimi Raikkonen having an ice cream while his rivals sat patiently in the rain, waiting for the stewards to decide whether the race should be continued.

I love his "not giving a fuck" attitude. Why bother getting yourself soaked if the best you could achieve was to finish 14th? 

I wonder what ice cream Kimi had? 

It looked like a Magnum, which by the way costs a whopping RM 3.80 nowadays.

I know because I just bought one.

KERS and ugly rear wings

Questions I'll probably ask Nick & Robert:

Do you like the car with or without KERS?

This season's cars have ugly rear wings. Do you agree? Thankfully BMW's are so bad.

How was your off-season?

Have you guys started 2009's poker season yet?

Lists - It's a guy thing

You have to admit that KJ is smart. Dodgy and muka tak malu, but smart. You can't deny that. He has a great appeal that Mat Rempit-minded losers admire, which is puzzling since dude's got a Cambridge degree. And your average Mat Rempit doesn't have a cluse where Cambridge is, unless it's a Datuk Mat Rempit - educated sikit. He should appeal to the nation's brightest and smartest but strangely this is not the case. I'll hazard a guess that his obnoxiousness puts people off. Except for Mat Rempits, of course.

Anyway, I don't really care about politics, so lets move on to other things that matter. To me.

I've recently joined the Facebook apps bandwagon and made a list.

A pretentious list of "most important albums in my life".

Each album has a sentimental, nostalgic tale behind it.

Dookie - Green Day

I once quoted a line from a song from Dookie (I don't remember what song) in one of my juvenile cinta monyet love letters. I thought it was cool.

Razorblade Suitcase - Bush

The album that taught me the meaning of "grows on you". I hated the first 10 times listening but after that I couldn't stop. This was in Form 4, and the tape (!) was not even mine. 

Melon Collie & the Infinite Sadness - Smashing Pumpkins

The only album that I bought twice. This album introduced me to the Smashing Pumpkins, and they were my first "band" T-shirt.

Mark, Tom & Travis show (Enema Strikes Back) - Blink 182

I bought a pirated copy at a pasar malam, though I can't recall where. The toilet jokes were funny, in a self-deprecating way.... and I loved it. This was the start of my pathetic "pop-punk" period. What made it more pathetic was the fact I was a second year Uni student at that time. Oh, well.

Without You I'm Nothing - Placebo

Was blown away by Appleyard's part in Sorry, which had "Every Me, Every You" playing in the background. Bought the album out of curiosity and instantly loved it. This eventually led to me attending a Placebo concert, which I still rate as my best concert experience ever.

I can't believe you've never heard of Gmail!

Raja Lawak
Eh, Tordon. Kau hantar email gmail ni ke?

MJ Tordon
Ha'ah.

Raja Lawak
Oh. Aku selalu dapat banyak email gmail gmail ni, ntah sapa-sapa hantar. Tapi aku dapat je terus delete. Tak pernah bukak.

MJ Tordon
Apsal?

Raja Lawak
Aku ingatkan Gmail tu...... Gay Mail. Aku takut.

Dossena scores - 2 games in a row!

Saw this sticker on a Kancil.....

HAPUSKAN PPSMI

But then on the back seat there was a "McGraw Hill - Data & Communication Networking" textbook.

Pasar Malam

I like the idea of going to the pasar malam. I get excited by the prospect of having an unlimited amount of food to choose from. 

Unfortunately, when I actual get to the pasar malam, I get suffocated by the number of people there, especially the ones who walk annoyingly slow and hold up the line. And that spoils the whole experience.

Stimulus

As heard on Jay Leno:

Jay : So Bill, what do you think of President Obama's new economy stimulus package?

Bill : Oh.. that's a really big "PACKAGE"................... for a black guy.

Anal

Anal people annoy me. Especially when they're being pedantic and sceptical over good, honest causes.

On the boycott of Israeli and American products - they say "Oh, so let's see how we survive without Microsoft, how about the local Coca-Cola workers, everything we use in our daily life is somehow linked to the US".

On the "Buy Malaysian" campaign - they say "How do we REALLY classify a product local?, local products need to compete with imported goods to maintain quality"

Sure, these are relevant and valid queries, but the imperious manner in which they were raised makes me feel like slapping these assfucks real hard.

If you don't want to support these causes then just straight up say "I'm not supporting all this" rather than taking a coward's stand - pretending to view the issue from a "practical" point of view, trying to give the impression that you care but it would be "difficult to achieve". 

Pussies.

Billboards

If you've ever been up and down the North South Highway, you've surely seen a few Bosch billboards along the way. And to me, the intent of having a huge cordless drill ad on the side of the road is quite puzzling.

Who were the people Bosch targetting with this billboard campaign?

I mean, sure, of the millions that use the highway, there must be a certain percentage of people who, upon seeing the billboard, go - "Hmm, a cordless drill.... that's exactly what I want. I'll get a Bosch then". 

But really, the probability would be something around one in a million. 

Malaysians aren't DIY people. Drills, hammers or saws are not even on of the average citizen's shopping list.

Wouldn't a billboard ad (which I presume would cost a lot) be more effective in promoting something that is more appealing to the public. Say, mobile phones, fast food or cars?

I just think spending a lot of money for drill billboard ads to an indifferent market is a waste of money.

Then again, I don't work for Bosch..... so what the hell do I know.

Ipoh mali talak sombong, lor

If I were the Sultan of Perak, I'd be murka as fuck.
How dare these assclowns memporak-perandakan my kick-arse birthday party?

Now I have to deal with a bunch of impatient, Najib-led, ethically-questionable idiots trying to seize power in my own state AND also manage a group of puppet-led, racist fucktards frantically defending whatever's left of their "loose coalition".

What the hell?
All I wanted was a nice birthday party..... and maybe a karaoke session too.


Anyway, those losers pretending to be Liverpool "players" lost again, this time in the FA Cup. It made all my efforts to stay awake at bloody 4 am so utterly useless and a complete waste of time.
Bodoh!!!

The only thing that made me feel better was this brilliant Metal-infested minute-by-minute match report.

Rant

I hate people who use "revert" when they mean "reply". 

Idiots.

Bangla dudes walking at KLCC - holding hands! 

What the hell? My wife says that they're very affectionate towards each other. 

Gay immigrants.

Sifu dan Tongga.

Need I say more?

I hate people who post comments on blogs criticising people who boycott American/Israeli products and say boycotting is bad for the economy.

Suddenly they care about Coke factory workers? 

Idiots, pussies.

People whose Facebook status read:

7.30am - Wake Up

7.40 am - Breakfast

8.00 am - At Work

8.30 am - Busy at Work

9.00 am - Working hard

1.00 pm - Lunch

4.45 pm - Can't wait to go home

5.00 pm - Going home

7.00 pm - At home, having dinner

9.00 pm - Watching CSI

Get a life.

Dude, where's my plot?

Benitez has finally lost the plot.

Right from the moment he whinged about not being in total control of Liverpool FC, followed by an unneccesary rant claiming Fergie always gets away with harsh comments on referees and now, an utterly ridiculous complaint about how team set themselves to defend every time they face the Reds; I've always had this feeling that he'll lose it sooner or later.

This eerily reminds me of the last days of Houllier, a fairly successful manager who, in the season where high expectations were put on the team, inexplicably made "weird", illogical and at times, plain stupid decisions, strategies and substitutions which finally ended with him leaving the club.
And I fear that time is up for Senor Benitez as well.

Strangely, unlike most Liverpool fans, I don't hate him because of his nonsense team strategy (lone striker against Wigan?), stubbornness (not playing Keane, putting Lucas on the field) or his lack of motivational skills. I hate Rafa because he hyped up Mark "Speedy" Gonzalez so much, even willing to pay a lot for him but had to send him out on loan for a season in Spain because he didn't qualify for a work permit, then go through the hassle of multiple appeals to get him the permit...... only to reveal a "talent" that is no better than Jan Kromkamp (yeah, remember him?).

What the fuck?

On a different note, I'd like to recommend reading Russell Brand's article on the Guardian sportblog page. I have to admit that for someone who appears to be drunk all the time, Brand has an impressive command of English; so good that you won't notice the grammatical errors. And his articles are honest, personal opinions... unlike recycled facts peppered with Internet research like the ones in the Star's Friday Football pull-out (e.g. anything by Richard Lim).

Cartoons

The 80's was probably the best time to grow up for the sole reason that back then the cartoons were frickin' AWESOME! However, despite the awesome-ness of these animated adventures, no one seems to know how any of the them ended.

Some pressing questions requiring immediate answers....

What ever happened to Lion-O? Did he finally kill Mum-Ra? If I'm not mistaken there was a 2nd generation of Thundercats, how did that tie-in with the original team?

How did Sabre Rider & the Star Sheriffs end?

What happened in the Japanese version of Transformers i.e. Head Masters?

Did Teddy Ruxpin (the bear endlessly on an air balloon) get to wherever he was supposed to go?

Did Kakeru (of Kickers) win the World Cup?

How did Voltron end?

What happened to Jem?

Where the hell is Grandizer now?

Why were there different incarnations of Cobra Commander? And who led the GI Joes? Was Sargeant Slaughter character based on the WWF wrestler or vice versa?

M.A.S.K ended with...................?

Remember Visionaries?

How did the Smurfs end?

Answers please......