KERS and ugly rear wings

Questions I'll probably ask Nick & Robert:

Do you like the car with or without KERS?

This season's cars have ugly rear wings. Do you agree? Thankfully BMW's are so bad.

How was your off-season?

Have you guys started 2009's poker season yet?

Lists - It's a guy thing

You have to admit that KJ is smart. Dodgy and muka tak malu, but smart. You can't deny that. He has a great appeal that Mat Rempit-minded losers admire, which is puzzling since dude's got a Cambridge degree. And your average Mat Rempit doesn't have a cluse where Cambridge is, unless it's a Datuk Mat Rempit - educated sikit. He should appeal to the nation's brightest and smartest but strangely this is not the case. I'll hazard a guess that his obnoxiousness puts people off. Except for Mat Rempits, of course.

Anyway, I don't really care about politics, so lets move on to other things that matter. To me.

I've recently joined the Facebook apps bandwagon and made a list.

A pretentious list of "most important albums in my life".

Each album has a sentimental, nostalgic tale behind it.

Dookie - Green Day

I once quoted a line from a song from Dookie (I don't remember what song) in one of my juvenile cinta monyet love letters. I thought it was cool.

Razorblade Suitcase - Bush

The album that taught me the meaning of "grows on you". I hated the first 10 times listening but after that I couldn't stop. This was in Form 4, and the tape (!) was not even mine. 

Melon Collie & the Infinite Sadness - Smashing Pumpkins

The only album that I bought twice. This album introduced me to the Smashing Pumpkins, and they were my first "band" T-shirt.

Mark, Tom & Travis show (Enema Strikes Back) - Blink 182

I bought a pirated copy at a pasar malam, though I can't recall where. The toilet jokes were funny, in a self-deprecating way.... and I loved it. This was the start of my pathetic "pop-punk" period. What made it more pathetic was the fact I was a second year Uni student at that time. Oh, well.

Without You I'm Nothing - Placebo

Was blown away by Appleyard's part in Sorry, which had "Every Me, Every You" playing in the background. Bought the album out of curiosity and instantly loved it. This eventually led to me attending a Placebo concert, which I still rate as my best concert experience ever.

I can't believe you've never heard of Gmail!

Raja Lawak
Eh, Tordon. Kau hantar email gmail ni ke?

MJ Tordon
Ha'ah.

Raja Lawak
Oh. Aku selalu dapat banyak email gmail gmail ni, ntah sapa-sapa hantar. Tapi aku dapat je terus delete. Tak pernah bukak.

MJ Tordon
Apsal?

Raja Lawak
Aku ingatkan Gmail tu...... Gay Mail. Aku takut.

Dossena scores - 2 games in a row!

Saw this sticker on a Kancil.....

HAPUSKAN PPSMI

But then on the back seat there was a "McGraw Hill - Data & Communication Networking" textbook.

Pasar Malam

I like the idea of going to the pasar malam. I get excited by the prospect of having an unlimited amount of food to choose from. 

Unfortunately, when I actual get to the pasar malam, I get suffocated by the number of people there, especially the ones who walk annoyingly slow and hold up the line. And that spoils the whole experience.

Stimulus

As heard on Jay Leno:

Jay : So Bill, what do you think of President Obama's new economy stimulus package?

Bill : Oh.. that's a really big "PACKAGE"................... for a black guy.

Anal

Anal people annoy me. Especially when they're being pedantic and sceptical over good, honest causes.

On the boycott of Israeli and American products - they say "Oh, so let's see how we survive without Microsoft, how about the local Coca-Cola workers, everything we use in our daily life is somehow linked to the US".

On the "Buy Malaysian" campaign - they say "How do we REALLY classify a product local?, local products need to compete with imported goods to maintain quality"

Sure, these are relevant and valid queries, but the imperious manner in which they were raised makes me feel like slapping these assfucks real hard.

If you don't want to support these causes then just straight up say "I'm not supporting all this" rather than taking a coward's stand - pretending to view the issue from a "practical" point of view, trying to give the impression that you care but it would be "difficult to achieve". 

Pussies.

Billboards

If you've ever been up and down the North South Highway, you've surely seen a few Bosch billboards along the way. And to me, the intent of having a huge cordless drill ad on the side of the road is quite puzzling.

Who were the people Bosch targetting with this billboard campaign?

I mean, sure, of the millions that use the highway, there must be a certain percentage of people who, upon seeing the billboard, go - "Hmm, a cordless drill.... that's exactly what I want. I'll get a Bosch then". 

But really, the probability would be something around one in a million. 

Malaysians aren't DIY people. Drills, hammers or saws are not even on of the average citizen's shopping list.

Wouldn't a billboard ad (which I presume would cost a lot) be more effective in promoting something that is more appealing to the public. Say, mobile phones, fast food or cars?

I just think spending a lot of money for drill billboard ads to an indifferent market is a waste of money.

Then again, I don't work for Bosch..... so what the hell do I know.

Ipoh mali talak sombong, lor

If I were the Sultan of Perak, I'd be murka as fuck.
How dare these assclowns memporak-perandakan my kick-arse birthday party?

Now I have to deal with a bunch of impatient, Najib-led, ethically-questionable idiots trying to seize power in my own state AND also manage a group of puppet-led, racist fucktards frantically defending whatever's left of their "loose coalition".

What the hell?
All I wanted was a nice birthday party..... and maybe a karaoke session too.


Anyway, those losers pretending to be Liverpool "players" lost again, this time in the FA Cup. It made all my efforts to stay awake at bloody 4 am so utterly useless and a complete waste of time.
Bodoh!!!

The only thing that made me feel better was this brilliant Metal-infested minute-by-minute match report.

Rant

I hate people who use "revert" when they mean "reply". 

Idiots.

Bangla dudes walking at KLCC - holding hands! 

What the hell? My wife says that they're very affectionate towards each other. 

Gay immigrants.

Sifu dan Tongga.

Need I say more?

I hate people who post comments on blogs criticising people who boycott American/Israeli products and say boycotting is bad for the economy.

Suddenly they care about Coke factory workers? 

Idiots, pussies.

People whose Facebook status read:

7.30am - Wake Up

7.40 am - Breakfast

8.00 am - At Work

8.30 am - Busy at Work

9.00 am - Working hard

1.00 pm - Lunch

4.45 pm - Can't wait to go home

5.00 pm - Going home

7.00 pm - At home, having dinner

9.00 pm - Watching CSI

Get a life.

Dude, where's my plot?

Benitez has finally lost the plot.

Right from the moment he whinged about not being in total control of Liverpool FC, followed by an unneccesary rant claiming Fergie always gets away with harsh comments on referees and now, an utterly ridiculous complaint about how team set themselves to defend every time they face the Reds; I've always had this feeling that he'll lose it sooner or later.

This eerily reminds me of the last days of Houllier, a fairly successful manager who, in the season where high expectations were put on the team, inexplicably made "weird", illogical and at times, plain stupid decisions, strategies and substitutions which finally ended with him leaving the club.
And I fear that time is up for Senor Benitez as well.

Strangely, unlike most Liverpool fans, I don't hate him because of his nonsense team strategy (lone striker against Wigan?), stubbornness (not playing Keane, putting Lucas on the field) or his lack of motivational skills. I hate Rafa because he hyped up Mark "Speedy" Gonzalez so much, even willing to pay a lot for him but had to send him out on loan for a season in Spain because he didn't qualify for a work permit, then go through the hassle of multiple appeals to get him the permit...... only to reveal a "talent" that is no better than Jan Kromkamp (yeah, remember him?).

What the fuck?

On a different note, I'd like to recommend reading Russell Brand's article on the Guardian sportblog page. I have to admit that for someone who appears to be drunk all the time, Brand has an impressive command of English; so good that you won't notice the grammatical errors. And his articles are honest, personal opinions... unlike recycled facts peppered with Internet research like the ones in the Star's Friday Football pull-out (e.g. anything by Richard Lim).

Cartoons

The 80's was probably the best time to grow up for the sole reason that back then the cartoons were frickin' AWESOME! However, despite the awesome-ness of these animated adventures, no one seems to know how any of the them ended.

Some pressing questions requiring immediate answers....

What ever happened to Lion-O? Did he finally kill Mum-Ra? If I'm not mistaken there was a 2nd generation of Thundercats, how did that tie-in with the original team?

How did Sabre Rider & the Star Sheriffs end?

What happened in the Japanese version of Transformers i.e. Head Masters?

Did Teddy Ruxpin (the bear endlessly on an air balloon) get to wherever he was supposed to go?

Did Kakeru (of Kickers) win the World Cup?

How did Voltron end?

What happened to Jem?

Where the hell is Grandizer now?

Why were there different incarnations of Cobra Commander? And who led the GI Joes? Was Sargeant Slaughter character based on the WWF wrestler or vice versa?

M.A.S.K ended with...................?

Remember Visionaries?

How did the Smurfs end?

Answers please......

New Year

It's New Year's eve, and as usual...... I don't have any plans. I'll probably just sit at home with my wife, watching Cicak-Man, Room Raiders or some other equally loser show on TV. Why bother going out? It's going to rain anyways.
And I really don't feel like squeezing through a crowd of sweaty Mat Rempits and noisy Ching Chong Chengs in the middle of Bukit Bintang

Moving on, my New Year's resolution are as follows:

1. Be a loving husband and good bloke
   
2. Spend less and save more
3. Learn to play the guitar (3 years in a row and I still SUCK!)
4. Not celebrate a 5-1 win over Newcastle in a Southport club and get arrested for bashing up the club's DJ
5. Boycott Yasmin Ahmad's bullshit films
6. Read more
   
7. Be a YES man, YES man, YES man
8. Poke friends on Facebook and play Elven Blood (or whatever it's called)
9. Continue my Legends of CM post part 2,3,4,5,6 & 7.
10. Learn to iron properly

Snippets

Poor Rafa. He's having a surgery and will miss the Arsenal game. Sammy Lee is in charge and I'm sure he'll do the right thing (that's playing our 20 million striker instead of Benayoun or Kuyt). Little Sam could do a Phil Thompson.

My favourite injury-prone player (apart from Liverpool "legend" - Harry Kewell); Darren "Sicknote" Anderton finally hung his boots a few weeks ago. Spurs are my 2nd team, and Anderton was one player who always caught the eye, whenever he was fit enough to play, that is. Part of a semi-successful Euro 96 squad, Anderton always looked classy on the ball - the total opposite of Dirk Kuyt.

I disagree with Perak's & Penang's plan to buy new Camrys to replace their current fleet of Perdana. The Perdana may be crap compared to the Camry, but where's the national pride bros? They should be loyal and stick with Proton, even if it means that they have to "suffer" a bit. I'd respect that. They can still bash Proton in the papers of course, but choosing foreign make or local ones just sends a message of disloyalty. Sure, one can argue about quality, or getting the best out of your money but I can only accept that reasoning if it was a personal purchase.

You go and help build bridges, get people out of their homes safely, retrieve documents and provide shelter - but what do you get in return? Accusations of stealing people's shit, being lazy & just "eating, menghabiskan beras" and being unhelpful slackers. That's grossly unfair. Why do you even bother helping out? People should be more thankful in these difficult times.

And lastly..... hats off to the Iraqi dude who threw a big ass shoe to Bush. He's got some balls.

The evolution of a bloke's mantra

In the beginning,
"Bros before hos"

then,
"Hos before bros"

back to,
"Bros before hos"

and finally,
"Wife before bros before hos"

Well actually, there shouldn't be "before hos" on the last one, unless you're looking for trouble.

Mash-Ups

Todek, the Young Leader
Embraces change, strives for excellence, "together we make it happen!", influences peers, thinks "global"

Todek, the smart-arse cynic
Mocks management, questions reasons for "initiatives", avoids participation, hates the word "inculcate"

Here, I present to you.....

Todek, the Young Leader vs Todek, the smart-arse cynic

Round 1
(At a meeting)
Leader :
During this difficult times and troubled economy, we need to be twice as smart to survive!
Cynic :
Great. I look forward to spontaneously develop an IQ of 400!

Badabing-bing-bang!!!
1-0 to Cynic


Round 2
(During an "engagement session")
Leader:
As I had my nasi lemak this morning, I pondered on something.
(Leader then shows a Power Point slide of nasi lemak ikan bilis telur goreng)
Sure, the chicken contributed. But the ikan bilis committed!
(Damn, I'm smart)
Cynic:
So, we're the ikan bilis who should die so that you can have a nice breakfast?

Badabing-bang-boom!
2-0 to Cynic.

BOOYAH!

Inspired by (and plagiarised) Dilbert.

Japan Pt 2

In Japan, there's this Italian food chain called Saizeriya which caters to young "Western" Japanese kids and also to loser non-sushi-eating Asians like myself. Imagine Laksa Shack, but with Italian food. The existence of a Saizeriya outlet in each city that my wife & I visited was a great relief to me as it gave me an alternative to the usual raw Japanese stuff, most of which I cannot stomach.

Anyhow, one of the more interesting conversations I've heard (or in this case, overheard) occurred in a Saizeriya in Hiroshima. It was mix Japanese-English dialog between a Swedish bloke and a Japanese girl. They were talking loudly at the table behind me, so I couldn't help but eavesdrop.

Swede :
So yeah, nice to finally meet up.

Girl :
Hai, hai. Yes. Nice to meet you.

Swede & Girl continue talking , bla bla bla for a few minutes.


Swede :
Have you ever kissed a girl?

Girl :
Hmmm....... Well, I've never told anyone about this, but actually, I once had sex with a girl.

Swede :
(Trying ever so hard to keep his cool)
Oh, really? How did that happen?

Girl :
Oh... it happened a long time ago. I had just finished college. We were drunk at the time, she was someone I knew from school. Oh my God, I'm so embarassed telling you all this. I've never told this to anyone.

Swede :
Don't be embarassed. I think it's good to experiment.

Girl :
Really?

Swede :
Yeah. Sex is good. Sex is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun then what's the point? But what's fun for you may be different for me. And, how would you know whether it's fun if you don't experiment?

Girl :
(Laughs shyly)
Hmm... I guess you're right.

Swede :
I like to experiment. Try new things, new experience... you know? I think you should too.





And then I thought, "Yeah... Swede's gonna get lucky tonight!"

Football

Watching the Malaysian football team play is painful, kinda like watching Liverpool - but much, much worse. It's like self-inflicting mental torment on yourself. But surpisingly, I keep coming back for more. I don't know whether that's loyalty or I just like torturing myself.

This somehow brought me to think about the legendary football game that is Championship Manager.

Championship Manager, or more affectionately known as CM to fans of this ridiculously addictive game took a lot of my youth, especially during Uni. And I'm sure many other football fanatic would second this.

There were countless times when CM and study clashed.... and CM would always win. I can't recall how many times I chose CM over a boring afternoon lecture, (It would always start like this: I'll decide to be 10 minutes late to the lecture to play another match but eventually ended up skipping the whole lecture altogether). I remember one time when I sat through a class planning my team's off-season transfer dealings & budget, completely ignoring my Week 7 Mechanics lecture. Or the time when I scribbled my latest genius 4-1-3-1-1 formation (complete with individual player runs) instead of taking notes during my tutorial. Damn, those were happy days indeed.

So, in the spirit of reminiscing about CM, I'd like to share some of the legendary & almost mythical names I've encountered throughout my CM career. Note that I'm only referring to CM3 and its subsequent updates (i.e. 97/98, 99/00, etc) - basically before it became crap (i.e. CM4 or Football Manager onwards).

Cherno Samba
An absolutely unbelievable young striker - can be bought on the cheap from Millwall. Starts the game at age 15 if I recall correctly, Samba is the one player everyone should have on their team. He once scored a hattrick within 15 minutes and single-handedly won a FA Cup final for me. Good in the air and very pacy (definitely >18 points in the Heading & Pace stats) this guy can easily score 30+ goals a season. I remember when all my housemates were playing CM at the same time with each having the prolific Samba on our respective teams; shouts of "SAMBAAAAAA!!!!!" would be heard every other minute, hailing yet another heroic effort by our boy Cherno; such as scoring the last minute European Cup winner against AC Milan or blasting 5 goals past sorry Luton Town.

Outside the digital world however, few have heard of Samba's achievement. I remember reading that Liverpool at one point were interested, but that then died off. However, his non-existent real-world success notwithstanding, in my opinion Samba is still a legend. Good job, son.

Japan

As the Customs officer began to unzip my travel bag, I immediately began to regret not paying attention during Japanese class back in school. I didn't understand a single word the bloke said and had no idea what to say to him.

So there I was, standing silently in front of a Japanese Customs officer dressed in a frivolous lime green uniform (complete with matching hat!); unable to explain my rather "dodgy" travelling status - alone, no permanent residence address & apparently on "holiday". It didn't help either that I had BIN typed in huge capital letters on my passport, which gave the lime green chap all the more reason to be suspicious. Fuck.

The Customs guy then went through my belongings, seeming intent on finding something that will result in me spending my first night in Japan behind bars. But luckily, I didn't bring anything dangerous; thank God I left them Chinese melamine biscuits behind.

The whole ordeal lasted a good 10 minutes and I was borderline late to catch my train to Tokyo....... but fortunately I wasn't THAT late, so I got on the train just in time.

Hah. Drama.

To be continued.....

Manhood Fail

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