Jealous Again

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2011-07-13T03:16:00.001+08:00

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Blog

2010-08-16T09:57:00.006+08:00

In the age of Twitter and Facebook, blogs seem very old-school. People hardly write proper entries anymore, but instead publish their thoughts within Twitter's 140 character-limit every other minute. It's a good way of updating the world about the happenings in your domestic life, or to tell people that you've read yet another (pseudo) thought provoking but poorly argued article on (insert favourite political website). But then, it's also not everyone's cup of tea. I for one, am not a fan of it - probably because I have a dull and unexciting life not worthy of any "tweets" and more importantly, I can't get anything across very succinctly. This little ramble alone has taken a whole paragraph without ever getting to some kind of point. I apologise.

My sudden desire to write was largely inspired after reading Julia Stiles' blog. Yes, Julia Stiles, of all people. I've always liked Julia Stiles, which is a weird thing to say because I only like one of her films - 10 Things, so I may be a little bit confused whether I actually like Ms Stiles or her character. But nonetheless, that doesn't, or shouldn't take anything away from the fact the she is a good writer.

Remember the bit where I said I go on and on without getting to the point? So far, I'm putting a very good example of it.

Abrupt ending coming soon, but then it won't be so abrupt since I've warned you.

Am I back?

2010-03-13T03:57:00.006+08:00

Geez, it really has been a while since I last visited this site, let alone write anything on it.

A lot has changed since the last post (it was nearly a year ago).

I am now happily married to a wonderful, caring and intelligent woman who has always been supporting me, especially now that I've decided to be out of the country for a while.

Hit the Gym, yo!

2009-04-30T10:38:00.005+08:00

Shabery Cheeks has been busy visiting gyms lately. Not a day passes by without the sight of a suited-up (track suited up, that is) Cheeks grinning idiotically while observing big ass dudes pump iron all day long.

As if that was not embarrassing enough, Cheeks felt that he should not be missing out on all the meathead fun and volunteered to do some chest presses, just to show that he is suitably fit for the title of Sports & Youth Minister bestowed upon him.

Well, that's fine except for the fact that Cheeks obviously has been skipping his weekly gym sessions and was struggling gravely to lift that damn bar. And I swear I saw some saliva trickling down the sides of his mouth. It was THAT heavy.

No, really. It was.

Earth Day

2009-04-29T15:23:00.004+08:00

Earth Day (22 April) passed without a whiff of notice. There was virtually no publicity whatsoever to promote whis event, save for the one-page special in the NST. This is in stark contrast to the hype given to the absurdly self indulgent "save the environment" affair that is Earth Hour.

Where was the WWF on 22 April? Did they even organise a "Save Mother Nature" program, or at the very least, a gathering to commemorate Earth Day?

Where was 8TV? Did they show any public service ads? Where were the 2-minute long clips with our nation's hippest and most environmental concious-est celebs?

Were the hell was the dreadlocked hippie Reshmonu? Or 8TV CEO Ahmad Izham Omar?

Where the fuck was Reshmonu?

RESHMONU!!! Where are you?

This blatant display of hypocrisy just proves that our so-called "socially responsible" is nothing but a fraud. They'll exploit anything that would generate exposure to themselves and will conveniently drop their commitment when it no longer suits them. And that's why I have a cynical view of anything coming from 8TV, Air Asia and all the other bullshit companies pretending to be oh-so-angelic because I know that they're only doing it because they can make money out of it.

Now, where the hell is Reshmonu?

Champions League, First Leg

2009-04-09T04:38:00.003+08:00

Liverpool's swashbuckling performances (plus the last minute winner at Fulham) of late was exactly the kind of run that warrants a home stuffing by Chelsea. I'm not being pessismistic but I think that's just about right. We'll be brought back down to Earth in frustrating fashion.

And I am proven right. At 4.38 AM on a Thursday. Early goal. Two headers conceded. Non-existant second half. Baik aku buat kuiz kat Facebook.

Even the 7-million pound goal scoring machine that is Andrea Dossena can't save this.

Malaysian GP 2009

2009-04-08T14:53:00.004+08:00

The highlight of last weekend's GP for me was the sight of an all dried up Kimi Raikkonen having an ice cream while his rivals sat patiently in the rain, waiting for the stewards to decide whether the race should be continued.

I love his "not giving a fuck" attitude. Why bother getting yourself soaked if the best you could achieve was to finish 14th?

I wonder what ice cream Kimi had?

It looked like a Magnum, which by the way costs a whopping RM 3.80 nowadays.

I know because I just bought one.

KERS and ugly rear wings

2009-03-30T19:08:00.007+08:00

Questions I'll probably ask Nick & Robert:

Do you like the car with or without KERS?

This season's cars have ugly rear wings. Do you agree? Thankfully BMW's are so bad.

How was your off-season?

Have you guys started 2009's poker season yet?

Lists - It's a guy thing

2009-03-27T00:21:00.007+08:00

You have to admit that KJ is smart. Dodgy and muka tak malu, but smart. You can't deny that. He has a great appeal that Mat Rempit-minded losers admire, which is puzzling since dude's got a Cambridge degree. And your average Mat Rempit doesn't have a cluse where Cambridge is, unless it's a Datuk Mat Rempit - educated sikit. He should appeal to the nation's brightest and smartest but strangely this is not the case. I'll hazard a guess that his obnoxiousness puts people off. Except for Mat Rempits, of course.

Anyway, I don't really care about politics, so lets move on to other things that matter. To me.

I've recently joined the Facebook apps bandwagon and made a list.

A pretentious list of "most important albums in my life".

Each album has a sentimental, nostalgic tale behind it.

Dookie - Green Day

I once quoted a line from a song from Dookie (I don't remember what song) in one of my juvenile cinta monyet love letters. I thought it was cool.

Razorblade Suitcase - Bush

The album that taught me the meaning of "grows on you". I hated the first 10 times listening but after that I couldn't stop. This was in Form 4, and the tape (!) was not even mine.

Melon Collie & the Infinite Sadness - Smashing Pumpkins

The only album that I bought twice. This album introduced me to the Smashing Pumpkins, and they were my first "band" T-shirt.

Mark, Tom & Travis show (Enema Strikes Back) - Blink 182

I bought a pirated copy at a pasar malam, though I can't recall where. The toilet jokes were funny, in a self-deprecating way.... and I loved it. This was the start of my pathetic "pop-punk" period. What made it more pathetic was the fact I was a second year Uni student at that time. Oh, well.

Without You I'm Nothing - Placebo

Was blown away by Appleyard's part in Sorry, which had "Every Me, Every You" playing in the background. Bought the album out of curiosity and instantly loved it. This eventually led to me attending a Placebo concert, which I still rate as my best concert experience ever.

I can't believe you've never heard of Gmail!

2009-03-20T08:44:00.003+08:00

Raja Lawak
Eh, Tordon. Kau hantar email gmail ni ke?

MJ Tordon
Ha'ah.

Raja Lawak
Oh. Aku selalu dapat banyak email gmail gmail ni, ntah sapa-sapa hantar. Tapi aku dapat je terus delete. Tak pernah bukak.

MJ Tordon
Apsal?

Raja Lawak
Aku ingatkan Gmail tu...... Gay Mail. Aku takut.

Dossena scores - 2 games in a row!

2009-03-17T20:28:00.003+08:00

Saw this sticker on a Kancil.....

HAPUSKAN PPSMI

But then on the back seat there was a "McGraw Hill - Data & Communication Networking" textbook.

Pasar Malam

2009-03-09T21:31:00.004+08:00

I like the idea of going to the pasar malam. I get excited by the prospect of having an unlimited amount of food to choose from.

Unfortunately, when I actual get to the pasar malam, I get suffocated by the number of people there, especially the ones who walk annoyingly slow and hold up the line. And that spoils the whole experience.

Stimulus

2009-02-14T19:05:00.003+08:00

As heard on Jay Leno:

Jay : So Bill, what do you think of President Obama's new economy stimulus package?

Bill : Oh.. that's a really big "PACKAGE"................... for a black guy.

Anal

2009-02-14T16:47:00.002+08:00

Anal people annoy me. Especially when they're being pedantic and sceptical over good, honest causes.

On the boycott of Israeli and American products - they say "Oh, so let's see how we survive without Microsoft, how about the local Coca-Cola workers, everything we use in our daily life is somehow linked to the US".

On the "Buy Malaysian" campaign - they say "How do we REALLY classify a product local?, local products need to compete with imported goods to maintain quality"

Sure, these are relevant and valid queries, but the imperious manner in which they were raised makes me feel like slapping these assfucks real hard.

If you don't want to support these causes then just straight up say "I'm not supporting all this" rather than taking a coward's stand - pretending to view the issue from a "practical" point of view, trying to give the impression that you care but it would be "difficult to achieve".

Pussies.

Billboards

2009-02-07T08:53:00.007+08:00

If you've ever been up and down the North South Highway, you've surely seen a few Bosch billboards along the way. And to me, the intent of having a huge cordless drill ad on the side of the road is quite puzzling.

Who were the people Bosch targetting with this billboard campaign?

I mean, sure, of the millions that use the highway, there must be a certain percentage of people who, upon seeing the billboard, go - "Hmm, a cordless drill.... that's exactly what I want. I'll get a Bosch then".

But really, the probability would be something around one in a million.

Malaysians aren't DIY people. Drills, hammers or saws are not even on of the average citizen's shopping list.

Wouldn't a billboard ad (which I presume would cost a lot) be more effective in promoting something that is more appealing to the public. Say, mobile phones, fast food or cars?

I just think spending a lot of money for drill billboard ads to an indifferent market is a waste of money.

Then again, I don't work for Bosch..... so what the hell do I know.

Ipoh mali talak sombong, lor

2009-02-05T08:14:00.007+08:00

If I were the Sultan of Perak, I'd be murka as fuck.
How dare these assclowns memporak-perandakan my kick-arse birthday party?

Now I have to deal with a bunch of impatient, Najib-led, ethically-questionable idiots trying to seize power in my own state AND also manage a group of puppet-led, racist fucktards frantically defending whatever's left of their "loose coalition".

What the hell?
All I wanted was a nice birthday party..... and maybe a karaoke session too.

Anyway, those losers pretending to be Liverpool "players" lost again, this time in the FA Cup. It made all my efforts to stay awake at bloody 4 am so utterly useless and a complete waste of time.
Bodoh!!!

The only thing that made me feel better was this brilliant Metal-infested minute-by-minute match report.

Rant

2009-01-30T19:43:00.006+08:00

I hate people who use "revert" when they mean "reply".

Idiots.

Bangla dudes walking at KLCC - holding hands!

What the hell? My wife says that they're very affectionate towards each other.

Gay immigrants.

Sifu dan Tongga.

Need I say more?

I hate people who post comments on blogs criticising people who boycott American/Israeli products and say boycotting is bad for the economy.

Suddenly they care about Coke factory workers?

Idiots, pussies.

People whose Facebook status read:

7.30am - Wake Up

7.40 am - Breakfast

8.00 am - At Work

8.30 am - Busy at Work

9.00 am - Working hard

1.00 pm - Lunch

4.45 pm - Can't wait to go home

5.00 pm - Going home

7.00 pm - At home, having dinner

9.00 pm - Watching CSI

Get a life.

Dude, where's my plot?

2009-01-30T15:54:00.006+08:00

Benitez has finally lost the plot.

Right from the moment he whinged about not being in total control of Liverpool FC, followed by an unneccesary rant claiming Fergie always gets away with harsh comments on referees and now, an utterly ridiculous complaint about how team set themselves to defend every time they face the Reds; I've always had this feeling that he'll lose it sooner or later.

This eerily reminds me of the last days of Houllier, a fairly successful manager who, in the season where high expectations were put on the team, inexplicably made "weird", illogical and at times, plain stupid decisions, strategies and substitutions which finally ended with him leaving the club.
And I fear that time is up for Senor Benitez as well.

Strangely, unlike most Liverpool fans, I don't hate him because of his nonsense team strategy (lone striker against Wigan?), stubbornness (not playing Keane, putting Lucas on the field) or his lack of motivational skills. I hate Rafa because he hyped up Mark "Speedy" Gonzalez so much, even willing to pay a lot for him but had to send him out on loan for a season in Spain because he didn't qualify for a work permit, then go through the hassle of multiple appeals to get him the permit...... only to reveal a "talent" that is no better than Jan Kromkamp (yeah, remember him?).

What the fuck?

On a different note, I'd like to recommend reading Russell Brand's article on the Guardian sportblog page. I have to admit that for someone who appears to be drunk all the time, Brand has an impressive command of English; so good that you won't notice the grammatical errors. And his articles are honest, personal opinions... unlike recycled facts peppered with Internet research like the ones in the Star's Friday Football pull-out (e.g. anything by Richard Lim).

Cartoons

2009-01-08T16:33:00.003+08:00

The 80's was probably the best time to grow up for the sole reason that back then the cartoons were frickin' AWESOME! However, despite the awesome-ness of these animated adventures, no one seems to know how any of the them ended.

Some pressing questions requiring immediate answers....

What ever happened to Lion-O? Did he finally kill Mum-Ra? If I'm not mistaken there was a 2nd generation of Thundercats, how did that tie-in with the original team?

How did Sabre Rider & the Star Sheriffs end?

What happened in the Japanese version of Transformers i.e. Head Masters?

Did Teddy Ruxpin (the bear endlessly on an air balloon) get to wherever he was supposed to go?

Did Kakeru (of Kickers) win the World Cup?

How did Voltron end?

What happened to Jem?

Where the hell is Grandizer now?

Why were there different incarnations of Cobra Commander? And who led the GI Joes? Was Sargeant Slaughter character based on the WWF wrestler or vice versa?

M.A.S.K ended with...................?

Remember Visionaries?

How did the Smurfs end?

Answers please......

New Year

2008-12-31T15:51:00.006+08:00

It's New Year's eve, and as usual...... I don't have any plans. I'll probably just sit at home with my wife, watching Cicak-Man, Room Raiders or some other equally loser show on TV. Why bother going out? It's going to rain anyways.
And I really don't feel like squeezing through a crowd of sweaty Mat Rempits and noisy Ching Chong Chengs in the middle of Bukit Bintang

Moving on, my New Year's resolution are as follows:

Be a loving husband and good bloke
Spend less and save more
Learn to play the guitar (3 years in a row and I still SUCK!)
Not celebrate a 5-1 win over Newcastle in a Southport club and get arrested for bashing up the club's DJ
Boycott Yasmin Ahmad's bullshit films
Read more
Be a YES man, YES man, YES man
Poke friends on Facebook and play Elven Blood (or whatever it's called)
Continue my Legends of CM post part 2,3,4,5,6 & 7.
Learn to iron properly

Snippets

2008-12-17T08:10:00.008+08:00

Poor Rafa. He's having a surgery and will miss the Arsenal game. Sammy Lee is in charge and I'm sure he'll do the right thing (that's playing our 20 million striker instead of Benayoun or Kuyt). Little Sam could do a Phil Thompson.

My favourite injury-prone player (apart from Liverpool "legend" - Harry Kewell); Darren "Sicknote" Anderton finally hung his boots a few weeks ago. Spurs are my 2nd team, and Anderton was one player who always caught the eye, whenever he was fit enough to play, that is. Part of a semi-successful Euro 96 squad, Anderton always looked classy on the ball - the total opposite of Dirk Kuyt.

I disagree with Perak's & Penang's plan to buy new Camrys to replace their current fleet of Perdana. The Perdana may be crap compared to the Camry, but where's the national pride bros? They should be loyal and stick with Proton, even if it means that they have to "suffer" a bit. I'd respect that. They can still bash Proton in the papers of course, but choosing foreign make or local ones just sends a message of disloyalty. Sure, one can argue about quality, or getting the best out of your money but I can only accept that reasoning if it was a personal purchase.

You go and help build bridges, get people out of their homes safely, retrieve documents and provide shelter - but what do you get in return? Accusations of stealing people's shit, being lazy & just "eating, menghabiskan beras" and being unhelpful slackers. That's grossly unfair. Why do you even bother helping out? People should be more thankful in these difficult times.

And lastly..... hats off to the Iraqi dude who threw a big ass shoe to Bush. He's got some balls.

The evolution of a bloke's mantra

2008-12-15T22:13:00.003+08:00

In the beginning,
"Bros before hos"

then,
"Hos before bros"

back to,
"Bros before hos"

and finally,
"Wife before bros before hos"

Well actually, there shouldn't be "before hos" on the last one, unless you're looking for trouble.

Mash-Ups

2008-12-14T20:46:00.006+08:00

Todek, the Young Leader
Embraces change, strives for excellence, "together we make it happen!", influences peers, thinks "global"

Todek, the smart-arse cynic
Mocks management, questions reasons for "initiatives", avoids participation, hates the word "inculcate"

Here, I present to you.....

Todek, the Young Leader vs Todek, the smart-arse cynic

Round 1
(At a meeting)
Leader :
During this difficult times and troubled economy, we need to be twice as smart to survive!
Cynic :
Great. I look forward to spontaneously develop an IQ of 400!

Badabing-bing-bang!!!
1-0 to Cynic

Round 2
(During an "engagement session")
Leader:
As I had my nasi lemak this morning, I pondered on something.
(Leader then shows a Power Point slide of nasi lemak ikan bilis telur goreng)
Sure, the chicken contributed. But the ikan bilis committed!
(Damn, I'm smart)
Cynic:
So, we're the ikan bilis who should die so that you can have a nice breakfast?

Badabing-bang-boom!
2-0 to Cynic.

BOOYAH!

Inspired by (and plagiarised) Dilbert.

Japan Pt 2

2008-12-12T23:30:00.004+08:00

In Japan, there's this Italian food chain called Saizeriya which caters to young "Western" Japanese kids and also to loser non-sushi-eating Asians like myself. Imagine Laksa Shack, but with Italian food. The existence of a Saizeriya outlet in each city that my wife & I visited was a great relief to me as it gave me an alternative to the usual raw Japanese stuff, most of which I cannot stomach.

Anyhow, one of the more interesting conversations I've heard (or in this case, overheard) occurred in a Saizeriya in Hiroshima. It was mix Japanese-English dialog between a Swedish bloke and a Japanese girl. They were talking loudly at the table behind me, so I couldn't help but eavesdrop.

Swede :
So yeah, nice to finally meet up.

Girl :
Hai, hai. Yes. Nice to meet you.

Swede & Girl continue talking , bla bla bla for a few minutes.

Swede :
Have you ever kissed a girl?

Girl :
Hmmm....... Well, I've never told anyone about this, but actually, I once had sex with a girl.

Swede :
(Trying ever so hard to keep his cool)
Oh, really? How did that happen?

Girl :
Oh... it happened a long time ago. I had just finished college. We were drunk at the time, she was someone I knew from school. Oh my God, I'm so embarassed telling you all this. I've never told this to anyone.

Swede :
Don't be embarassed. I think it's good to experiment.

Girl :
Really?

Swede :
Yeah. Sex is good. Sex is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun then what's the point? But what's fun for you may be different for me. And, how would you know whether it's fun if you don't experiment?

Girl :
(Laughs shyly)
Hmm... I guess you're right.

Swede :
I like to experiment. Try new things, new experience... you know? I think you should too.

And then I thought, "Yeah... Swede's gonna get lucky tonight!"

Football

2008-12-10T20:01:00.008+08:00

Watching the Malaysian football team play is painful, kinda like watching Liverpool - but much, much worse. It's like self-inflicting mental torment on yourself. But surpisingly, I keep coming back for more. I don't know whether that's loyalty or I just like torturing myself.

This somehow brought me to think about the legendary football game that is Championship Manager.

Championship Manager, or more affectionately known as CM to fans of this ridiculously addictive game took a lot of my youth, especially during Uni. And I'm sure many other football fanatic would second this.

There were countless times when CM and study clashed.... and CM would always win. I can't recall how many times I chose CM over a boring afternoon lecture, (It would always start like this: I'll decide to be 10 minutes late to the lecture to play another match but eventually ended up skipping the whole lecture altogether). I remember one time when I sat through a class planning my team's off-season transfer dealings & budget, completely ignoring my Week 7 Mechanics lecture. Or the time when I scribbled my latest genius 4-1-3-1-1 formation (complete with individual player runs) instead of taking notes during my tutorial. Damn, those were happy days indeed.

So, in the spirit of reminiscing about CM, I'd like to share some of the legendary & almost mythical names I've encountered throughout my CM career. Note that I'm only referring to CM3 and its subsequent updates (i.e. 97/98, 99/00, etc) - basically before it became crap (i.e. CM4 or Football Manager onwards).

Cherno Samba
An absolutely unbelievable young striker - can be bought on the cheap from Millwall. Starts the game at age 15 if I recall correctly, Samba is the one player everyone should have on their team. He once scored a hattrick within 15 minutes and single-handedly won a FA Cup final for me. Good in the air and very pacy (definitely >18 points in the Heading & Pace stats) this guy can easily score 30+ goals a season. I remember when all my housemates were playing CM at the same time with each having the prolific Samba on our respective teams; shouts of "SAMBAAAAAA!!!!!" would be heard every other minute, hailing yet another heroic effort by our boy Cherno; such as scoring the last minute European Cup winner against AC Milan or blasting 5 goals past sorry Luton Town.

Outside the digital world however, few have heard of Samba's achievement. I remember reading that Liverpool at one point were interested, but that then died off. However, his non-existent real-world success notwithstanding, in my opinion Samba is still a legend. Good job, son.

Japan

2008-12-09T21:43:00.007+08:00

As the Customs officer began to unzip my travel bag, I immediately began to regret not paying attention during Japanese class back in school. I didn't understand a single word the bloke said and had no idea what to say to him.

So there I was, standing silently in front of a Japanese Customs officer dressed in a frivolous lime green uniform (complete with matching hat!); unable to explain my rather "dodgy" travelling status - alone, no permanent residence address & apparently on "holiday". It didn't help either that I had BIN typed in huge capital letters on my passport, which gave the lime green chap all the more reason to be suspicious. Fuck.

The Customs guy then went through my belongings, seeming intent on finding something that will result in me spending my first night in Japan behind bars. But luckily, I didn't bring anything dangerous; thank God I left them Chinese melamine biscuits behind.

The whole ordeal lasted a good 10 minutes and I was borderline late to catch my train to Tokyo....... but fortunately I wasn't THAT late, so I got on the train just in time.

Hah. Drama.

To be continued.....

Manhood Fail

2008-11-22T07:46:00.004+08:00

Visit failblog.org for more of this.
Only if you enjoy stupid butt-jokes.

Driving a slow car

2008-11-21T11:41:00.007+08:00

I'm used to getting flashed at........by a fast moving car. (What did you think I meant? Perverts). I drive at 120 km/h on the outside lane on highways and getting flashed at by speeding BMWs, Perdanas & even Tuned-by-Razo Kancils is something that I'm accustomed to. It's something that I expect even.

And I don't mind. I realise my 3-speed Wira SE can't be pushed beyond 120 km/h, for I fear the terrifying noise that developed at 4500 rpm would turn catastrophic beyond 5000. So I let them pass. Even the Kancils, begrudgingly.

What pisses me off is when Singaporean cars flash the fuck out of me. I just can't take being harassed and tailgated by a foreign assclown in my own country. That's humiliating. And disrespectful.

It's like allowing a salesman into your house, let him show you his product catalog and suddenly then he takes over your Astro remote and switches the channel to Wah Lai Toi.

When flashed by Singaporean cars, I try my best to ignore them. I bravely push my Wira beyond the pathetic speed of 120 km/h, looking ridiculous trying to fend off a 180 km/h Camry. I laugh sinisterly as my eyes start to blind from the flicker of lights behind me.

Yeah. Take that, bitch.

Ah, pening kepala.....

All New!

2008-11-20T08:51:00.007+08:00

After nearly 3 years of running this blog, I've decided that a new, fresh makeover is needed. Thus, the all-new, clean, minimalist, professional-looking, zero-clutter layout. The less bullshit waste-of-space items, the better.

I'm inspired to write once again after spending three whole days reading other people's blog. I was particularly impressed with one of my friend's friend's blog which was funny, ironic, cynical AND well written. But I won't link it here - that would look gay; I barely know the dude!

It's like admiring James Bond; you don't want to have posters of Daniel Craig all over your bedroom wall, but damn it, you sure wish you had a 5000 dollar suit.

I want an expensive suit.

Trolleys

2008-10-15T19:05:00.008+08:00

During our student days in Sydney, my housemates and I used to do embarrassing things.

One of them is bringing home supermarket trolleys.
We'd go to our local Coles on Friday or Saturday nights, load up a week's worth of groceries into a trolley and then pushed the bloody thing for one and a half miles back to our house.
We looked stupid, pushing trolleys filled with cereal, milk, eggs, bread, fruits, Coke, candy, fish fillets, etc.

But we didn't care because the journey home was always fun. While some people bond over camping or fishing trips, the Morjon household bonded over trolley-pushing. We'd all kutuk-mengutuk some poor innocent sod that we know or act as complete idiots & start singing jiwang Malay songs (hey, we were Malay students in a foreign land... sometimes we miss corny shit).
That made the half-hour trolley-pushing journey seem so much shorter.

After unloading all our groceries, we'd leave the empty trolley by the kerb in front of our house. By the next morning, the trolley would be gone. I guess Coles hires people to collect "stray" trolleys.

Strangely, here in KL, I have never seen students (or anyone for that matter) pushing trolleys back home.
I've concluded that it's because either:
a) Local students are rich and can afford cars to carry their groceries, OR
b) Local students don't cook

Missing wife

2008-10-13T17:46:00.003+08:00

I'm missing Mrs Todek, who's currently overseas studying.

On another note:
After 4 years, my Wira's passenger side power window finally broke down. 4 years is fair enough, I reckon. The driver side is still OK, mind you.

And Kuyt scores...

2008-10-08T16:14:00.002+08:00

At your typical hypermarket...

Salesman: Abang, you sudah ada credit card maa? Visa, Master & Amex suma boleh lor.

Abang: Saya mau beli sayur la, brader.

Salesman: Sudah ada credit card belum? Banyak bagus, boleh collect points, masuk contest boleh pergi Beijing yo!

Abang: White rabbit ada racun. Mana boleh makan lor.

Salesman: Oh. Tidak apa meh. Can masuk contest menang BMW. This credit card ah, so very very good. Can pay at internet! People nowadays need credit card. If you don't have credit card u rugi. How u want to pay for your shopping, these two trolleys? U nak bawak cash banyak banyak? Nanti kena rompak.. baru u tau. Everyone now have credit card, sudah jadi macam itu keperluan, meh.

Abang: Ahem. Ahem. Ohh. Keperluan? Do you really think its wise of me to get involved in another financial transaction, especially now when the economy is on the brink of collapsing? With the US economy nearly destroyed, it will be just a matter of time before Malaysia suffers the same fate. Banks are going bankrupt by the minute and there's no sign of it getting any better any time soon. What happens if I lose my money? AIG pun dah collapse, Lehman lagi la teruk. What can you offer me? Credit card ni bagus sangat ke?

Salesman: Banyak bagus lor. Tak payah bayar annual fee maa!!

AIYO.
Bengong.
Fail.

Selamat Hari Raya

2008-10-06T08:21:00.002+08:00

Wishing everyone a Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir Batin.

We're back at home, after a long drive from the kampung.
And while I was driving along the highway, I kept wondering;

What does R&R stand for?

Rest and Repair?
Relax and Read?
Rehat dan Riadah?
Rest and Recreation?
Rileks dan Rehat?

Bengong.

All in a Family

2008-09-25T16:44:00.006+08:00

Mrs Todek was reading about sino-muslim families in the papers and fell in love with the idea of having a Chinese name. She said "Nanti kita letak nama Chinese kat anak kita boleh tak? Example Ilham Chee Wei Ming" (Yes, Mrs Todek's greatgrandfather was possibly Chinese but she is as remotely Chinese as Mr Todek).

Mr Todek said NO. Because it doesn't make sense. At all.

Mrs Todek is contemplating making a police report against Mr Todek for going against her wish; just like the Malaysians who make police reports every now and then about Anwar Ibrahim "buat kacau to our economy and politics" and Teresa Kok insulting the police and the poor over her "egg-dog food" remark (One wonders why the complainant never thought that if the police felt insulted, they could easily make a police report themselves but of course unlike these silly Malaysians, the police has better things to do, such as catch rapists and murderers, than make stupid and trivial police reports).

Seri Muka

2008-09-12T16:01:00.001+08:00

The best seri muka is at Wangsa Maju pasar Ramadhan!

ramadan mubarak

2008-09-01T15:13:00.002+08:00

Mr & Mrs Todek would like to wish everyone Selamat Berpuasa & Beramal...

Eat more than half a waffle masa sahur, pls..

Ezora

2008-07-30T12:21:00.002+08:00

Can anyone please tell me what the bloody hell is happening in the most scandalous Malay drama ever, Ezora??

I'm confused. It's full of sick, incest relationships but somehow I still follow the series.

Parental Control

2008-07-27T08:31:00.002+08:00

I feel like I've dropped a gazillion IQ points after spending one whole day watching Parental Control on Channel V.

I need to read a few issues of the Economist to compensate for this.

Zaman dulu2

2008-07-23T15:23:00.003+08:00

I miss the good old days;
when the local kedai roti canai would play wrestling videos (it didn't matter if the PPV event was 6 months too late) all day long.
The pakciks at the kedai would then provide their own colourful commentaries, most of which were rather funny, in an innocent, orang tua way.

Pukul pakai kerusi!! Hantam kepala!!
Budak ni dah tak larat dah, mesti kalah punya...
Aku dah agak dia ni memang jahat, panggil member tolong belasah...

The pakciks didn't mind coming everyday to watch the same video. They had fun.
The roti canai and teh tarik was always good, not to mention cheap.

Watching wrestling was fun.

On another note, visit Bumi Semua Manusia for some insightful political commentaries, much better than this site. And definitely not a single mention of the word CUNT.

Burne

2008-07-19T12:05:00.003+08:00

I know I'm not supposed to judge people, but I just hate the sight of YB Loh Gwo Burne.
I mean, all he did was snap a few photos of Lingam and now he's a bloody MP.
He's spent half his life overseas and can barely speak Malay.

Now he gets punched in the face.

Good.

The Spirit of Sharing

2008-07-08T15:59:00.027+08:00

Mrs. Todek wanted to know if she could co-write on my blog.

Should I allow it?

It'll be interesting... or not.

I already said yes! But when she asked for confirmation, I stepped back and said I'd think about it.

I should just let her, shouldn't I?! After all, that's what good loving husbands do * yeah right*

So guys, watch out for Mrs. Todek! It'll be pretty obvious. You'll see.

What the?

2008-07-04T00:08:00.002+08:00

I was watching TV3 the other day, and there was a feature on nasi kangkang.

Yes, NASI KANGKANG.

Hmm... nasi kangkang.
Nasi kangkang is a funny word.

Anyway... what's up with everyone having anal sex nowadays?
Flavour of the week, eh?

Nasi Kangkang!

Bodoh!

Atonement

2008-06-28T15:24:00.003+08:00

I watched Atonement for the very first time, on DVD of course (RM4 in Batu Feringgi!).
Good movie, and interestingly, had the word CUNT displayed on-screen for at least 3 seconds.
And 3 seconds is a long time.

I didn't watch the film in the cinema when it was screened a few months back, so I'm really really curious if anyone knows whether you can see CUNT in GSC??

KK is lovely.
But nowhere near as lovely as NHAM.

Dutch failure

2008-06-24T11:34:00.003+08:00

Since Holland self-destructed terribly in Euro, I have to cancel my proposed Dutch post. Instead, I've decided to be all "ketuanan Melayu, songkok wearing" and shit, so once again, another Bahasa Melayu entry. Bergembiralah!

Ambik kau - Khyril Muhymin, Badrul Bakhtiar, Fadly Baharom, Shafiq Jamal & Fauzi Shaari. Kedah played extremely well against Selangor, dodgy keeper apart. And all without 2 of their foreign players. But the only foreigner who did play was a genius. An intelligent playmaker!!

Ini ada satu kisah.

Ada seorang pengusaha padi & ternakan ayam agrikultur yang agak berada. Apa kata beliau dinamakan Pak Dawilah. Pak Dawilah ada sawah padi yang besar di Kepala Batas & juga ladang ayam yang tak kurang hebatnya. Pak Dawilah sedar dia tidak begitu cekap mengurus agrikultur, ye lah... dia lebih suka tidur di waktu petang dan juga melepak bersama menantunya, Khyril. Lantas, Pak Dawilah melantik seorang pengurus ladang hebat untuk menjaga sawah & ayam, dengan harapan pengurus ini dapat mengembangkan perusahaan agrikulturnya ini ke luar negeri. Mungkin ke Perlis.

Pengurus Ladang (namanya TS Malican - hmmm macam TS Elliot!!) seorang yang dahsyat hikmatnya & mempunyai ilmu urus ladang yang hebat. Pada awalnya, Pak Dawilah memberi 100% kepercayaan kepada TS dan hasilnya!! ya hasilnya!!!

Hasilnya ialah... keuntungan berlipat ratus kalimullah (oops) kali ganda! Dari 1 sawah padi, kini Dawilah ada 30 sawah padi (termasuk di Perlis & Sabah) dan lebih 1 juta ekor ayam. Semua dari titik peluh TS dan pekerja-pekerjanya. Dawilah awalnya bersetuju untuk mengambil 65% dari keuntungan dari TS dan selebihnya diberi kepada TS untuk melabur semula agar perniagaan dapat dikembangkan lagi.

10 tahun yang pertama, Dawilah untung banyak. Semua wang hasil ayam & sawahnya dapat digunakan untuk membangunkan rumah buruk Dawilah. Malah, seluruh warga kampung Dawilah diberi diskaun yang teramat murah untuk membeli padi & ayam. Penduduk amat menyanjung Dawilah disebabkan kemurahan hatinya.

Tapi Dawilah sebenarny tidak begitu cerdik. Ataupun pandai berjimat. Duit yang banyak itu digunakan olehnya sesuka hati. Dawilah membeli bot yang hanya digunakan 3 hari setahun dan juga membina koridor di kampung sebelah. Entah apa tujuannya? Itulah persoalan orang kampung.

Orang kampung pula sudah makin malas disebabkan sentiasa mendapat makanan murah. Duit yang lebih tidak disimpan tetapi digunakan untuk membeli telefon bimbit yang memainkan lagu Madonna. Ataupun Pop Shuvit.

Namun malang tak berbau. Harga ayam dan padi secara tiba tiba meningkat dengan mendadak. Kos menguruskan ladang juga naik dengan drastik. Untung Dawilah makin berkurang!

Dawilah terpaksa mengurangkan diskaun padi & ayam, menyebabkan penduduk kampung mengamuk sebab harga naik.

Penduduk kampung mengamuk kat TS Malican sebab harga padi & ayam naik. Walhal TS Malican cuma menjaga perniagaan sahaja, tiada kaitan dengan penetapan harga. Namun, penduduk kampung tetap mengamuk. Membakar koridor di kampung sebelah dan menghantar SMS jahat. Ini semua sebab penduduk kampung agak bodoh rupanya.

Dawilah pula makin terdesak. Dia hanya senyap sahaja.
Kemudian, dia berharap TS Malican dapat beri lebih duit kepadanya. Lebih dari 65% yang telah dipersetujui.
Bila penduduk kampung mengamuk, Dawilah tidak pun mempertahankan TS Malican yang selama ini telah berkhidmat dengan penuh professionalisme dan cekap. Malah, dia pula mengharapkan TS untuk memberi penjelasan kepada penduduk kampung berikutan masalah ini.

Dawilah Dawilah.

OK itu saja.

You must give me some credit for having the dedication to write this long. In MALAY!!! What the hell. The last time I wrote this long in Malay was probably during peperiksaan Bahasa Melayu SPM.

Next post in Turkish. Just because Turkiye played well above expectations and provided a lot of drama.
Colin Kazim Kazim Kazam!
Emre Belegzolu.
Doner Kebab.
Pide.
Carpet murah, good quality.

Itu sahaja.

Say hi to your mum for me.

Manyak Minyak

2008-06-11T14:08:00.001+08:00

Dutch backpacker : Why don't you talk in Malay? (to me & wife)

Ceh. Nah, aku blog "in Malay"!

Baru baru ini, harga minyak petrol (dan diesel) telah naik dengan amat banyaknya.
Harga minyak mentah dunia sekarang sudah menjangkau US$ 130/liter jadi, nak tak nak sudah tentu lah harga minyak naik jugak.
OK. Itu aku boleh terima.

Tapi kalau naik banyak sangat sekali harung (in one go) memang la sakit hati. Pak Lah dengan selamba suruh "ubah gaya hidup" & potong elaun keraian menteri sebanyak 10% untuk menjadi contoh teladan yang ideal kepada kita semua. By the way (Walaubagaimanapun??), apa kah ke jadahnya elaun keraian itu? RM 18K sebulan? Untuk Pak Lah? Pak Lah dah la tidur semasa meeting, oops mesyuarat.

Pada hemat aku, Pak Lah tidak berapa bijak. Tak anticipate kenaikan harga minyak walaupun harga sudah naik dengan steady sejak 2-3 tahun lepas. Kenapa? Sebab Lah sibuk nak bukak koridor. Bengong. Koridor banyak banyak pun buat apa. Lepas tu belanja RM 17 juta untuk "menganjurkan" CYC yang tak diiktiraf. OK, ni bukan kerja Lah secara langsung tapi... lantak Lah.

Kalau kerajaan (sebab Pak Lah sekor sekor memang tak terpikir punya) cuba pikir dan tengok gambar yang lebih besar (look at the bigger picture) sepatutnya dapat menjangka harga minyak yang akan naik uncontrollably (tak terkawal). Oleh itu, mungkin kerajaan dapat menyediakan infrastruktur prasarana anjakan paradigma yang bersesuaian untuk menghadapi krisis ini.

Tetapi.... TIDAK. Mereka berbelanja sesuka hati. Koridor sana, indelible ink sini, CYC sana, election sini, bagi duit kat hakim dan lain lain lagi. Nah, sekarang lihat.

LIHAT!!!

LIHAT!!!

LIHAT lah brader.

Baru nak terhegeh hegeh menstrukturkan semula subsidi and taik (shit). Namun, segalanya sudah terlambat, SYAITAN!!!

Hahahahaha.

Tolong tengok siaran ulangan Gado Gado kat Astro Ria. Memang lawak gila babi.

Entry berikutnya dalam bahasa Belanda. Ruud van Nistelrooy, Sneijder, Robin van Persie, Giovanni van Bronckhorst, Marco van Basten, Rijkaard.

Sekian terima kasih.

Lawak

2008-06-10T22:38:00.002+08:00

Bolos saja dinding itu!!!!!

Insane queue

2008-06-05T11:23:00.002+08:00

Just like any typical kiasu Malaysian, I too ended up being stuck in a ridiculously long (and quite pointless, really) jam to fill up my car up to the brim with 1.92/litre petrol.

And I wasted 1 1/2 hours of my life doing this. Unsurprisingly, nearly a million people did the same thing.

How much can you save, really?

June Post

2008-06-04T15:06:00.003+08:00

Another post for another month.

I got married recently. The kenduri & all the related events were chaotic (typical of Malay weddings) and also tiring, but I'm happy.

I'm so happy I might even write another post this month.

May post

2008-05-02T22:42:00.001+08:00

Just to satisfy my self-imposed "minimum 1 post a month" requirement.
Yup, this blog is experiencing a SLOW death.

Out of the Champions League.
Ban the Israelis!

Cendol

2008-04-01T15:05:00.002+08:00

What makes tasty cendol?
Is it the green worm-ish stuff?
Or the gula merah? (it IS gula merah, right?)
The santan, perhaps?
Or the ice?

Damn, aku nak cendol.

Gentel

2008-03-26T09:46:00.002+08:00

If you've ever played any sort of football (be it futsal, bola padang or whatever), you probably have heard shouts like these:

"Weii!! Jangan gentel sangat!"
"Banyak gentel ni!"
"Mamat ni main gentel je!"
"Gentel!!!"

GEN-mother fucking-TEL!

Gentel is a funny word.
And let's be honest, it's very dodgy too.

I'm still trying to figure out how gentel made its way into the footballing world.
It's quite puzzling, actually.

A-ha!

2008-03-10T21:39:00.000+08:00

I guess we might not have to put up with bullshit corridors anymore.

Kesian Pak Lah.

March post

2008-03-04T08:53:00.002+08:00

Harry Connick's real cool.
Sharply dressed in an impeccably smart suit, he can charm his way out of anything.
And he can sing a bit too.
Dammit.

March is when F1 starts. I'm excited.
March is also when mengundi starts. I'm not as excited.

Since I'm an ignorant idiot who didn't even bother to register, I guess I'll just have to be happy with another term of Pak Lah's sleeping-troughout-meeting, corridor bullshitting and KJ's ass kissing antics.

And oh, thanks for all the comments. It really inspired me to blog again. I just can't thank you all enough for the amazing support you've given.

RTM 1 is pathetic.

2008-02-16T10:33:00.003+08:00

Mereka berkonspirasi!!
Berlainan parti, satu identiti!!

What the hell.
It's nothing more than a glorified government propaganda.

Anyway, selamat mengundi.

Slow

2008-02-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

I still struggle to understand the concept of a reverse takeover.
Maybe I'm just slow.

The very the

2008-02-14T20:13:00.003+08:00

My fiancee is mad, but in cheeky kind of way.
That's why I love her.

Mighty morphing plastic voters

2008-02-12T20:11:00.000+08:00

I read an interview with the EC Secretary in the Sunday Times.
He was asked a range of questions about the upcoming election, i.e. voter registration, indelible ink, etc.

The interviewer then questioned him about allegations of phantom voters in a few voting areas.
He vehemently denied such allegations. And to prove his point, he gave an example.

EC Secretary
In Pengkalan Pasir, there was even a claim that people could transform themselves into little plastic men and go through small holes to vote. That's what PAS claimed.

Interviewer
Did you investigate it?

DID YOU INVESTIGATE IT????

Hahahahahhaha.
Damn, that's bloody hilarious. I'm not sure how the NST bloke can keep a straight face when he asked that question.

Plus, if I can transform myself into a little plastic man, I wouldn't waste my time to cheat votes. There are so many other evil stuff I can do.

PAS surely can't be serious. Come on. We know they're all spiritual and stuff (I wanted to use shit instead of stuff but I'm afraid some idiot would say I said PAS is shit), but this is too ridiculous.

Hey.. maybe these little morphing plastic voters can be on Who Wants To Be A Superhero; by far the most bizzare and stupid reality show ever.

Rafa has to go

2008-02-05T14:39:00.000+08:00

Rafa Benitez should start packing his bags already. He'll be lucky to survive until the end of the season.
I'm expecting Uncle Rafa to get the sack if we don't qualify for Champions League next season.
His over complicated formations and tactics, coupled with his ever-present stubbornness to not start Abang Crouch has led to his downfall.
Sorry, but we're now so far away from the top 3 it's beyond embarrassing. Definitely among the worst performances, reminiscent of the time when Houllier lost the plot.
But at least Sissoko's gone. For 8 million pounds - that's a GREAT deal!!!

On another note, Kedah are still kicking arse this year. Belasah orang home and away!

Orang Tua Terasa

2008-02-05T14:26:00.000+08:00

It's weird that the older you get, the quicker you terasa.
Even innocuous, harmless things people say or do will upset you.
The mood swing then kicks in, although you know that it's ridiculous to get upset over simple & trivial things.

That's why I don't like to write about personal things in my blog.
I don't enjoy reading posts that are a bit too emotional either.
It gets too personal & more often than not it will upset you.
The reaction after reading one of these emo posts would either be "I don't want to know this" or "I only found this out through the Internet?".
Neither is good.

New Year Post 2

2008-02-05T02:01:00.000+08:00

It's been 36 days into the new year and only now I'm putting up a new post!
That's disgraceful, shocking! - for such a dedicated and committed blogger such as my good self. I apologise to all the readers who've been eagerly waiting (seriously, ada ke readers pun?) for my next profound, brilliant, intelligent, smart, witty entry. I have disappointed you.

Yeah, right.

New Year Post

2008-02-05T01:06:00.000+08:00

It's difficult to figure out what to say when you're in a fucked up situation.

It was me. She was a "personal friend".
Good try Chua Soi Lek. You're still sacked. Don't think admitting you made a mistake is "noble" and shit. That was the only thing you CAN do without totally losing your dignity (which you now have very little). And hoping that you'll be forgiven is just wishful thinking, uncle. People do have a holier-than-thou attitude. Plus, you're fucking old. It's disgusting.

He sounds like me, talks like me, looks like me but I can't say if he's me.
Classic weasel talk. This is bullshit. It doesn't make any sense at all.
Are you joking, Lingam? What the hell have you been smoking? You should have said "It was me. HE was a "personal friend"", minus the DVD, I hope.

Bullet proof

2007-12-26T22:47:00.000+08:00

A bloke named MJ Tordon was driving back from his kampung, his sister sitting next to him in the passenger seat. Now, this MJ Tordon chap thinks of himself as a music expert, and would spend hours & hours of time researching the most obscure of bands on the planet and casually name drops a few when being engaged in a conversation with others.

MJ Tordon: Yeah, Joy Division is alright but they're not half as good as XXXXX (insert obscure "cool" band name here - example The Frizzy Zombies of Makasar Experience in 30 Seconds to Hell)

And he'll be all smug and shit upon seeing other people's blank, confused reaction to what he said.

MJ Tordon: (Yeah, fuck you biatch! I'm waaay cooler than you, haha)

Anyways, on the drive back home MJ Tordon's sister tuned the radio to some Malay station. MJ Tordon is not a fan of Malay music at all. In fact, he looks down on anyone singing in Malay, as if it were something that is terribly embarrassing, and reckons that people would be better off killing themselves than being caught playing lagu Melayu.

MJ Tordon: What the hell? Lagu apa ni? Ntah apa apa. Jiwang karat.

MJ Tordon's sister: Whatever. Lantak kau lah.

MJ Tordon: Ni lagu apa pulak ni? Kalis peluru? Apa jadah? Nak gi war against terrorism ke lagu kalis peluru?

MJ Tordon's sister: Kalis Rindu lah, idiot.

TAMAT.

P/S: Of course, the real MJ Tordon is not an idiot at all. Far from it. In fact the real MJ Tordon is actually Dr. MJ Tordon, he is of Russian/Serbian descent and teaches the subject Computer Science (or something like that, I don't really remember).

Tak percaya? Google him up.

Hmm.. where do I begin?

2007-12-11T22:57:00.000+08:00

Street demonstrations are the in-thing right now. It's so cool even lawyers are doing it. But I'm sure you're thinking, "Hmm... I want to jump on this demonstration bandwagon, but I don't know how...". Well, boys & girls, here's how:

Firstly, you need to apply for a permit, which is kind of useless since it will definitely be denied, but it doesn't matter since you'll be on the streets protesting anyway. And then the police will come and throw a bit of tear gas at you, but as a first rate protester, you won't let this bother you.

No, not at all. Instead, you heroically pick up the tear gas bomb and throw it back to the "hanya menurut perintah" gentleman while shouting "Bersih-kan parlimen!" or "Hindraf-kan kerajaan!" or whatever the fuck you say when you hurl tear gas at cops. And then you get caught. Al-Jazeera of course will be there, capturing every minute of your moment of glory on video, broadcast the footage on TV and even YouTube and then hey, you're famous. Then, some old geezer who runs the ministry of TV would shout at Al-Jazeera blokes (or lasses), accusing them of unfair, biased reporting while the lady on the other side calmly asks "But why was the assembly illegal, sir?".

I'll tell you why. Ini bukan budaya kita! And you show footage of some random riot overseas and repeatedly flash the preachy-ish message of INI BUKAN BUDAYA KITA, probably hoping that your viewers have the same idiotic view as you do. Of course it's not our bloody budaya, it's not even anyone's budaya for fuck's sake. As if there are countries who actually think riots & demonstrations embrace & enrich their culture. Are you seriously retarded?

Musa Hitam shares the same view. Or do I share the same view as the Moose? Ok, I stole his ideas... but still, its so bloody obvious that you just can't disagree with the man.

The End.

Update

2007-12-06T17:35:00.000+08:00

I haven't been updating the blog for a long while, not because I lack ideas, but more of lacking the motivation to write, period. I am experiencing difficulties in converting ideas into words, much less proper, grammatically correct sentences. Not in English or Melayu.

Politicians

2007-11-15T16:47:00.000+08:00

I'm not a big fan of Nazri Aziz. He looks a bit "un-smart". Same goes to Zainudin Maidin, Said MP Jasin, MP Jerai and all those other wankers.
I was about to add Khir Toyo to the list but then he scored MAJOR points by handing out brooms to idiots. So he's cool. For now.

And oh, corridors are getting old already. Plus, they don't sound very intelligent in the first place pun.

Za Altera

2007-10-21T16:36:00.000+08:00

Whatever you do, please don't go to Za Altera, especially the outlet at The Curve.
They're atrociously incompetent and unprofessional.

I'd tell them "Can you please go away & have sex?" if I were a nice, polite bloke, but since I'm not, and I'm also pissed (but not drunk), I'd like to give a huge FUCK OFF to them.

Have a good day.

This is a silent film

2007-10-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

This is a silent film in Bahasa Melayu.

Bloke: (Eh, ada Mat Rempit kena langgar!!)

Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian.
Seekor rempit sedang berdarah terbaring di tepi jalan.

Bloke: (Aku perlu tolong saudara rempit tersebut!!)

Bloke pun cuba menolong. Tolong tengok saja lah sebab Bloke tak pandai merawat orang sakit.
Ada orang sudah telefon ambulance probably.

Bloke: (Kasihan!!)

Tiba tiba seorang gadis bertudung ayu datang untuk melihat keadaan mangsa. Gadis duduk dekat Bloke.

Gadis: (Kasihan!!)

Bloke: (Ayunya gadis ini!!)

Gadis: (Bloke? Saya malu!!)

Ambulance akhirnya datang, Gadis pun berambus.

Bloke: (Ohh... she's gone!!)

Gadis balik rumah syampu rambut. Gatal.

Gadis rupa-rupanya doktor.

Gadis jumpa lagi Bloke kat hospital.

Bloke still melihat keadaan si Rempit.

Gadis: (Bloke!!)

Bloke: (Gadis!!)

Gadis: (I love you!!)

Bloke: (I love you!!)

TAMAT

Selamat Hari Raya

2007-10-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

It's not too late for me to wish Selamat Hari Raya to everyone.

Maaf Zahir Batin. And I really mean it too, it's not just a figure of speech.
Sorry for anything I said or wrote that might have offended anyone, sorry for the immature, sometimes distasteful - often unfunny jokes, sorry for the swearing, sorry for the un-replied text messages/emails, sorry for the misspelt words & wrong grammar and sorry for everything else.

P/s: I like Raya period. All the girls look nice in their baju kurung.

P/s #2: The Angkasawan thing is getting LAME.

What you really think

2007-10-08T13:27:00.000+08:00

Are your opinions REALLY yours?
How much of what you think, how you feel or what you stand up for actually originate from your own thoughts?
How sure are you that you're not just recycling other people's ideas, or worse; re-phrasing and disguising them as your own?
If so, then really, how much do you actually think?
Are we just agreeing to certain beliefs and notions just because someone else believes in them?
Are the thoughts that we present and tell people merely rehashed ideas and opinions from others?
Have we been reading too much on the Internet, watching too much TV without actually stopping for a while to consider how we really feel about everything?

What do you think?

Can you please go away and have sex?

2007-10-05T11:52:00.000+08:00

Or probably you're more familiar with:

FUCK OFF!!

So Long, Jose

2007-09-22T06:09:00.000+08:00

The "Special One" has finally left Stamford Bridge. A real big loss, not only for Chelsea but also for the whole league.
The arrival of Mourinho onto the scene had taught me that Jose is not necessarily pronounced "Ho-se", sometimes it's pronounced exactly how it is spelt. (spelt? or spelled?)

Mourinho would probably be a boss that I'd like to work under. He doesn't give a shit about anything else apart from his work, doesn't take bullshit from his boss (or anyone else for that matter), speaks his mind, extremely focused on work. And you know that he'll be able to take care of business and will always have your back.
Sure, he's cocky as hell, but hey, that's cool with me. And he gets away with it.

Now he's replaced by some obscure Israeli. How exciting.

Tangkap Anjing

2007-09-18T22:25:00.000+08:00

This is old news.

Did you hear about the dog catching competition in Selayang?
Well, a few geniuses decided that a super cool dog hunting event was just the perfect solution to reduce the number of stray dogs in Selayang.
I don't know how the organisers would monitor or control the manner in which these dogs are to be captured, but I have a feeling that these dogs would be treated rather cruelly.
Unsurprisingly, the SPCA (or those Cruelty Against Animals organisations) immediately launched a protest against this inhumane and somewhat barbaric act.

Khir Toyo also had concerns about this dog catching competition, but apparently he was more worried that the organisers offered too much cash for the winners.
Genius.

Ayam

2007-09-15T12:58:00.000+08:00

Taken from today's The Star:

KUALA LUMPUR: Retailers selling chicken above the ceiling price are required to produce receipts of their purchase from wholesalers to avoid action, Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Minister Datuk Shafie Mohd Apdal said.

To which my sister responded:

Orang beli ayam mana bagi resit!

Crazy/Beautiful

2007-09-01T20:22:00.000+08:00

Your fiancee gets caught fucking with a 40 year old RTD Director.
And you pay the RM 2000 fine to get her out of jail.
You're an idiot.

Merdeka

2007-09-01T15:58:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Merdeka!
Parades are cheesy.
Kanak kanak memahaminya ad is cute.

A Sports Update!

2007-08-10T10:36:00.000+08:00

The Premiership starts this weekend! Nasib baik aku teringat.

The Reds have bought pretty boy Torres. And they've spent a cool 24 million pounds on him. That's a lot of money. And another bloke named Babel for another 10 million, or so. I hope Rafael knows what he's doing. I like the new look though, Rafael. Macam Ricky Gervais!
I'm not going to make any predictions this season, I just hope we'll tear every single team apart with our devastating, irresistible attacking play. But one thing is for sure, Gerrard will once again shine and save the day, especially during away games at the likes of Derby & Wigan.

Another interesting development is the rivalry between McLaren team mates, Hamilton & Alonso.While everyone expected Hamilton to come good, nobody expected him to be BLOODY good. Championship leader in his first season, a few wins here and there - he's already a legend. I hate him.
I pity Alonso but at the same time I think he should just shut up and get on with it. As a double world champion, being upstaged by your team mate is never a great feeling, and the fact that the team mate is only a rookie just adds salt to your wounds. Still, I expected Alonso to be much more of a gentleman and stop whining about Hamilton getting preferential treatment and shit.

Disappointed

2007-08-08T12:08:00.000+08:00

People deal with disappointment in many different ways.
I'll start eating a lot and immediately go to sleep whenever I'm stressed.
But never before talking to the girlfriend first.

You've got style

2007-08-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

If you can identify the author of an uncredited article by just reading the text, then you probably know the writer well enough.

Workaholic

2007-07-31T22:12:00.000+08:00

I'd like to picture myself as a workaholic.
But ironically, being a workaholic has made me malas.

Is it better to fake happiness or menyusahkan orang lain by being honest?

Gossip Melayu

2007-07-29T20:48:00.000+08:00

I'm not a fan of local artis Melayu news but since I AM Malay, I guess I have to care a bit.
Did you hear about the nasty love triangle between Erra, Hans and that nerdy speccy Harry Potter bloke? It's all a big mess I reckon, but I have to say, Erra is quite the PLAYER! She's such a heartbreaker!

I suppose if you think you're so bloody hot, then you can get away with anything.

Hey, I'm not going to get arrested for this, am I?

Happy Days

2007-07-15T20:39:00.000+08:00

I had a good day.
On a good day, everything is great. There's no self doubt, and nothing can trouble you. You feel assured. You become much calmer and you see the bright side of everything. Every single thing you do is fun. And even if you're just lazing around, doing absolutely nothing, you'll still be able to say to yourself, "I may seem like I'm not doing much, but I don't mind. I'm happy and contented."

Indifference

2007-07-10T15:22:00.000+08:00

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

That's the most quoted part. The full version is this:

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.

Bloke: So, do you fancy the girl or what?

Someone else - not me: Yeah. I think I do, actually.

Bloke: And what the hell are you doing about it? Nothing, as usual. You're gonna lose her, you know.

SENM: Hey! I did something. Granted, it wasn't much.. but still, I did put some effort. I'm getting the cold shoulder though. I guess she doesn't fancy me. I really thought she did.

Bloke: What the fuck you're talking about, mate? From what I've seen, you've done zilch. What you need to do, my dear friend, is to be her knight in shining armour and climb up that god damn tower, slay the mother fucking dragon and sweep her off her feet! Yeah, you heard me. SLAY THE FUCKING DRAGON!!!

SENM: Slay the fucking dragon!!! Arrgghhhhh!!!!

Bloke: Damn right.

SENM: But I'm terrified of reptiles.

Really, slay the mother fucking dragons??? Who says that??

P/s: Juan Roman Riquelme is a genius!!

Fuelled by caffeine

2007-06-27T20:35:00.000+08:00

Caffeine makes me hyper.
Disclaimer : This post may be emo. And incoherent.
That's because I'm hyper. I'm fuelled by caffeine, damn it!

Anyways...
I spent the last weekend eating a lot of food. With my buddy. Yes, you know who you are, my friend.
We even had a bloody expensive durian. But it was worth it. Isi merah!
I bought 22 DVDs but they were all stolen. Fuck!

And I watched 6 episodes of 24 back to back. Jack Bauer is THE MAN!
Watching too many episodes of 24 however will make you spew things like these:

Run a background check on that guy. He looks hostile.
I need you to check the schematics of this building.
Tell me where the god damn canisters are, NOW!!
Secure the North end, and make sure no one leaves the building.
Patch me through to the President!
Upload the real time satellite images to my PDA.

Jack Bauer is the greatest human being ever. Here's why.

Nicholas Angel from the film Hot Fuzz is a close second. Please, please, please watch it.

Cool, fool!

2007-06-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

I always bump into strangers. This is a typical example.

Stranger : Eh.. Todek kan?

Me : (Blank) Ha’ah.

Stranger : Amacam sekarang? Ok?

Me : (Blank)

Stranger : Eh.. takkan tak ingat aku lagi Todek.

Me : (Blank)
: (With a forced smile) Hmm.. cam kenal, tgh confuse ni

Stranger : Ala Todek, buat buat tak kenal plak

Me : (Giving up trying to recall the dude’s name)
: Seriously, aku tak ingat la. Kau sape?

Stranger : (Visibly offended) Aku la. Kuswadinata (bukan nama sebenar)

Me : Ohh.. Kuswadinata. Sorry la, aku tak ingat sangat nama orang.

Stranger : Tapi aku ingat nama kau! (Even more pissed off)

Me : That’s because I’m cool, fool! Hahahahahaha!

Then I get smacked in the head.

Ouch!

Beyonce Malaysia

2007-06-14T20:21:00.000+08:00

Haha.

I tak seksi.

Azwan Ali is fucking gay.

Never mind the bollocks, (you know the rest)

2007-06-14T14:28:00.000+08:00

I have the sudden urge to listen to the Sex Pistols.

Feelings

2007-06-05T22:42:00.001+08:00

Frustrating.

My phone says "Emergency Only".

Being unreachable by your loved ones is a truly frustrating feeling. You're in despair and the hopelessness of it all is enough to kill your previously cheery mood, and turn you into a restless, agitated prick.

The most fucked up feeling:

Being ripped off and knowing it.

P/s: My entries have become increasingly emotional. I blame it on Liverpool's loss against Milan.

Emotional Bastard

2007-05-29T20:53:00.000+08:00

I used to call myself an "Emotional Bastard" whenever I become too emo or fucked up. Or hungry. I get cranky when I'm hungry.

Good Luck

2007-05-22T23:20:00.000+08:00

Nervous about the match against Milan. I don't think the miracle of Istanbul could ever happen again. And I really don't want to listen to Shebby's non-sensical bullshit. Pundit, my arse.

I hope Kewell plays. I know he's a bit of a poof (especially when he had the God-awful pony tail) but I have a soft spot for Harry. Just don't play him from the start. He'll break a leg or sprain an ankle or something.

On his day, and they're becoming extremely rare nowadays, Kewell could be mesmerising. He might not have the super lightning quick stepovers ala Ronaldo, but his overall movement, pass and touch just oozes class. And he has a decent left foot too.

Rafa seems to have faith in Kewell. Hope he's right.

Stupid!

2007-05-21T13:18:00.000+08:00

I'm just so bloody stupid sometimes.
I say the wrong things at the most inappropriate of times.
I didn't mean what I said but it's hard to convince people otherwise.
I just say things without any thought of how it would make others feel.

I'm really sorry.

I don't mind if I do, actually

2007-05-18T08:52:00.000+08:00

I’m not anal or anything, but nothing annoys the fuck out of me than bad spelling in emails. Before that, let’s be clear. There’s wrong spelling and there’s atrociously BAD spelling. Wrong spelling is usually associated with unfamiliar words, and are unintentional, such as misspelling the word “churrigueresco”. I can accept that. Some words are just tricky, and are just bloody difficult to spell; you’re bound to screw up once in a while.

But what’s worse is BAD spelling. I just got an “official” work email which had so many bad spellings that I gave up reading half way. Example: Instead of could this bloke wrote cud, for = 4, thanks = thx, have to = hafta. While this may seem OK in an SMS, it’s quite preposterous to find these words in a proper, business email.

I don’t know why this annoys me so much.

I guess its because I find misspelling simple words unacceptable. I would be embarrassed if my emails were filled with SMS lingo, even more if the emails were sent to outside parties.

And how the fuck can you not spell COULD properly?

Bad grammar – I can slightly tolerate. Nobody has perfect grammar.
Bad spelling – It’s unforgivable.

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

2007-05-17T01:30:00.000+08:00

ManU : Hey, can I come and play at your house?

MSian : Yeah, sure. I like you.

ManU : But you have to pay me. A lot. Like a million dollars.

MSian : No problem, I don’t mind. I’m a big fan of yours. I watch you play week in, week out. I even have your shirt. A bit overpriced, but what the heck. I love you guys.

ManU : I know you and your friends love us. That’s why we’re coming there. So we could “give” back to the community. And you can buy even more overpriced merchandise. Our American sugar daddies would love that. It’s a huge marketing promotion! Can you imagine how much money we’re getting here?

MSian : I don’t mind. I think you guys are awesome!!

ManU : Oh by the way, a few of the senior blokes can’t come. So we’ll bring our reserve lads instead. But even with the reserve team, I think we'll still be too strong for you. Hahah.

Azalina : Ohh, please please come here and play!! I have no idea about sports, but I don’t care. This’ll promote tourism!

ManU : Fuck tourism. We just want our million quid. Now.

FAM : Hey. You can't come here and play. I’ve already invited our neighbours. We can’t have too many guests here.

MSian : I don't want our less glamorous neighbours!! I want overpaid superstars. They’re much cooler. And who cares about our team anyway? It's not like they're going to win anything.

Azalina : Let MU come. Listen to me. I’m a politician.

PLah : Hmmm.... I like MU. I hope they come. I'm sleepy. Oh well, back to sleep. Zzzz.....

Hobs, hoods, undermount bowl sinks, MDF boards, solid surface...

2007-05-01T08:33:00.000+08:00

If these terms seem foreign to you, then obviously you're not ready for a kitchen, my friend.
Designing a kitchen may seem easy to the uninitiated, however, the reality is quite far from it. Kitchen-furnishing is actually a lot of work, and can be tiring at times. There are so many things that you need to consider, particularly in terms of material, style and colour selection, which becomes even more difficult when you have a limited budget that you need to adhere to. It's a bit stressful, I must say.
But at the end of the day, after you've nearly busted your brains figuring out how to fit everything you need into your kitchen AND under do it within your budget, you'll know that all the hard work was worth it. And then you realise that despite all the arduous and taxing work you went through, you actually had a great time and it was kinda fun. You wouldn't mind doing it all over again, but with a much much bigger budget, of course.

I guess I'm an expert now.

Taxes

2007-04-25T11:41:00.000+08:00

I'm doing my taxes right now, and I just realised that I'll end up paying a huge sum of money (by my poor standards) to the government who'll eventually just fuck me all over and use that money to buy votes. And I can't do anything about it. Well, actually I can but that's another story for another day.
At least I know why I'm paying too much and I've learned my lesson. It's just unfortunate that I learnt the lesson a tad too late, and I have to (literally) pay for it.

I've decided that if someone would ever play me in a film, it would be John Cusack. He's cool in my books.

Thursday

2007-04-19T15:18:00.000+08:00

How does it feel to think that you're important, significant, crucial relative to others, only to find out that you're just as dispensable as the rest? Quite depressing, I guess.
Being more important than the next person implies that you're better than him, and being better than others makes you feel good. Your ego is boosted tremendously and a sudden surge of confidence flows through you.
However, you come crashing back down to Earth when you discover that, really, you're not that special after all.

OK.

How is allocating money (that you suddenly have) for an urgent road paving job weeks before an election not considered vote buying?
How do expect the opposition (who has significantly less financial resources than you do) to compete with that?

I may be shallow, but even I know that this is just a load of bollocks.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

2007-04-11T14:27:00.000+08:00

How true.

Dewan Negara

2007-04-06T22:03:00.000+08:00

I couldn't stop laughing when I read that the Deputy Minister in the Prime Minister's Department had to actually defend the Perodua Kelisa, defiantly insisting that it is indeed a quality car, in the Dewan Rakyat, no less. All of this nonsense was in reply to an innocuous (to me, at least) comment by Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear fame, who commented that "This (the Perodua Kelisa) is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world".
He (Deputy Minister) then added that Clarkson was a magazine columnist who not only criticised Kelisa but also other established cars such as the Lamborghini.

Dude. Chill la. Lepak aa, brader.
Typical of how of "leaders" totally over-react to something completely insignificant.
Can't we just laugh at ourselves, for once?

NY Resolution Review

2007-04-02T19:31:00.000+08:00

I'm definitely missing the F1 in Sepang this year. Another New Year's resolution goes unaccomplished.
I knew I won't be able to make it to the race this year, so that was why I went to the test sessions instead. It was scorching hot and unbelievably loud when I went there (2nd day of the test session), and quite honestly it was a bit boring. But I had fun though, acting like the super geek that I am, TIMING every bloody lap Kubica, Kimi & Hamilton did, using my good old analogue watch that didn't even have a timer function.

Anyways, looking back at my 2007 resolution, I think overall, I'm not doing THAT bad.
Some have been accomplished, while there's also a few that don't even look like they'll be attempted, never mind being completed.
But hey, there's still another 9 months to go.

Guilty Pleasures

2007-03-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

I am now listening to Gin Blossoms! One of the best guilty pleasures ever. How can "'Till I hear it from you" not remind you of Empire Records? Its so '90s.

Ok.

Well, here's an observation to ponder upon:

The more you promote things to me, the more unappealing it becomes. In short, the best way to sell me stuff is by not telling me about it. Weird? It works for me.

Digi has ads everywhere. I can't read a newspaper without coming across a Digi ad, nor can I watch TV without having to put up with a Digi ad. Digi always seem to have something that they'd like to promote - either cheap call rates, wide coverage, colourful SMS, funky ringtones, whatever. They even had people dress up as yellow aliens for God's sake, all in the name of marketing. To me, it's overkill and really bloody annoying. They try too hard.
Thats why I use Maxis. They don't try to shove everything right up my arse.

Another example would be Toyota and Honda ads. While not as annoying as Digi, they tend to appear in the papers quite a lot too. In any case, the ads are usually dull and uninteresting, and most irritating is that sometimes they don't even promote the car at all, advertising the fact that you get 1.7652% (or something like that) interest rate instead. What the fuck? Again, trying a bit too hard.
That's why I'd probably buy a Mazda. Still Japanese, but they don't seem as desperate.

Sounds kinda stupid, but apparently I choose services and purchase products out of spite.
Bodoh jugak la sebenarnya.

Second

2007-03-23T01:01:00.001+08:00

This blog has been around for over 2 years!! Wow. Probably one of my longest commitments, ever!
And to commemorate my 2 year anniversary, I decided to go through and re-read all of my posts, starting with the very first one, dated 19/3/05.

The early posts were embarrassingly juvenile. Thankfully, it improved and became a bit more intelligent and mature over time. And (I think) it became genuinely hilarious too. I particularly am proud of my "dialogue" sessions that occasionally appeared in my blog. I really think that those posts were quite good, if not excellent. Haha.

Anyways, I've also realised that my recent posts aren't anywhere as good or even funny as my previous ones. Maybe it's because I don't watch a lot of TV anymore (most of my posts are based on my experiences watching TV) or maybe I've become a dull person suddenly or maybe I just don't think enough nowadays, I don't know. And the thought of that is quite disturbing, really.

No one knew where the line Here's looking at you, kid is taken from.
I'd still like to have Fell in Love with a Girl played.